


Cut Us Out In Little Stars

by allyasavedtheday



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Disorder, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Alternating, Romeo and Juliet AU, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 10:02:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10274405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyasavedtheday/pseuds/allyasavedtheday
Summary: Even Bech Næsheim.The boy making Isak’s heart beat double-time in his chest is Even Bech Næsheim.He can’t believe he didn’t realise it earlier. Even doesn’t have any social media and any pictures of him in the press are usually grainy or leave his appearance partly concealed through sunglasses or a hat but still.A sick part of his brain almost wants to laugh because of course. It’s not enough for Isak to like boys when he shouldn’t, no, he has to go and likethatboy.The one boy his father would condemn him for being with without question.*An Isak and Even, Romeo and Juliet au





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授权翻译】Cut us out in little stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12118989) by [ssssszx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssssszx/pseuds/ssssszx)



> Ahhh where do I begin?! So this _killed_ me ajsadhf ok trying to write a fic that parallels both romeo  & juliet AND skam without just basically rewriting season 3 was very difficult but I hope I pulled it off????
> 
> There are parts of this fic that I have no personal experience with, namely even's mental illness. I _have_ done research and have tried my best to be as respectful as possible of Even's bipolar throughout this story therefore I hope I have done it justice :') Having said this, please heed the warnings in the tags and if you're unsure of anything before reading just ask! Take care of yourselves bbs  <3 I would also like to point out the mature rating is mostly to be on the safe side bc of some of the themes of this fic and bc of a non-graphic sex scene but yeah it's mostly just to cover myself!!!
> 
> I need to give the hugest thank you's to [Daf](https://josteninski.tumblr.com/) and [Top](http://softnorwegians.tumblr.com/) for allowing me to assault them with questions and random quotes out of context over the last two weeks and a thank you to [Jessie](http://tiptopevak.tumblr.com/) for swooping in at the last minute to let me yell my feelings at her during the final stages of the writing process. You are all gems and i can't thank you enough for your help <3
> 
> These characters are property of Julie Andem and the title is from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet (there are also a few quotes scattered throughout that are all italicised)
> 
> Finally, there's a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/ciaraboo_/playlist/6q8unvM6BNumhgxzwJ0WdX) i made to go with this fic if you want to have a listen :')
> 
> This fic has now been translated into Russian which you can read [here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5689295) :)
> 
> And most importantly, enjoy <3

_"And, when I shall die,_  
_Take him and cut him out in little stars,_  
_And he will make the face of heaven so fine_  
_That all the world will be in love with night."_

_*_

Isak is buried under his duvet, purposely ignoring the incessant pinging of his phone, when the door to his bedroom is suddenly thrown open.

He hears a “tsk” from above him that is distinctively Eskild and feels relieved. At least it’s not his father. Or one of his henchmen.

“Isak!” Eskild admonishes, snatching the duvet back off him and ignoring Isak’s indignant complaints at the sudden waft of cold air. “It’s after noon; you’re supposed to be meeting your father for lunch in an hour.”

Isak heaves a long-suffering sigh and rolls onto his back, squinting his eyes open to peer at Eskild. He’s standing to the side of the mattress with his hands on his hips and an unimpressed expression on his face.

“I’m sick?” Isak offers hopefully and Eskild snorts.

“Come on, baby Jesus,” Eskild says, more kindly this time. “You know this lunch is important; your father said he had something huge to negotiate with you.” Eskild raises his eyebrows as if this is something Isak should be excited about.

Eskild probably thinks it’s something to do with his father’s business. Isak’s father owns half of Oslo city but his real pride and joy is his hotel – the Valtersen Plaza is one of the biggest and most elite hotels in Oslo and has four sister hotels situated across Norway. It’s rivalled only by Bech Næsheim’s hotel, The Empire.

Isak is not naïve enough to believe his father wants him to get in on the family business. No, this is going to be about that _girl_. Emma.

Isak has known since the moment his father mentioned her when talking about a deal he was trying to settle with David Larzen.

It’s bad enough being whored out by his own father just so he can make a deal and one up Bech Næsheim for the millionth time, but when he doesn’t even _like_ girls the situation feels monumentally more crushing.

Eskild starts tugging on Isak’s arm when he remains unresponsive, dragging him out of bed with more force than Isak had expected. When did Eskild find the time to work out? He spends eighteen hours a day running around after Isak and making sure he doesn’t do anything to give his father bad press.

“Alright, alright. Eskild _stop_ ,” Isak huffs, shrugging him off once he’s upright. “I’m going.”

“Good boy,” Eskild replies happily. “You have twenty minutes! Shower and get dressed; the car will be waiting for you!”

Isak sighs as he watches Eskild flounce out of the room with a backwards wave of his hand. Running a hand through his hair, he ambles to his bathroom and turns on the shower. He watches idly as steam fills the room and tries to shove down the dread settling in his stomach.

It’s fine, he’s fine.

It might not even be what he thinks it’ll be.

*

Twenty-five minutes later an impatient Eskild is ushering him out the door and pushing him towards a black town car.

“The table is booked under your father’s name,” Eskild is telling him, “He should already be there by the time you arrive-“

“Eskild,” Isak interrupts him, holding his hand up to stop him. “We’re eating lunch at my dad’s hotel. I’m pretty sure the staff know who I am.”

Eskild rolls his eyes. “Whatever, would you hurry up?! You’re keeping him waiting.”

 _Good_ , Isak thinks mutinously.

“And remember! Your mother wants to talk to you about your party once you get home!” Eskild calls after him and Isak manages to suppress his groan until he’s climbed into the backseat of the car.

Jonas laughs as Isak buckles up. “Day off to a rough start, Issy?”

Isak groans again, knocking his head off the head rest. “You have no idea.”

Jonas is his driver. But more importantly, Jonas is his best friend. His mom has worked as one of the chefs in Isak’s house for as long as he can remember and when they were younger and she couldn’t get a babysitter she used to bring Jonas with her to work. He and Isak had hit it off one day when he’d found Jonas lurking in the doorway of the living room, wistfully watching Isak colouring on the coffee table. Isak hadn’t known who he was but he’d offered to share his colouring book and they’ve been best friends ever since.

When Jonas was old enough he started picking up odd jobs around the house so he’d have an excuse to still come around. (Though Isak had insisted they could just hang out, Jonas didn’t need to prove himself.) When he got his license he petitioned for the job of Isak’s driver. To Isak’s father, it had been to keep Isak out of trouble – he’d always been oddly trusting of Jonas – but really it was so they could hang out on their own for extended periods of time without anyone bothering them.

At the same time though, he thinks Jonas probably _did_ take this job in order to look out for Isak. He knows how uncomfortable Isak is with this lifestyle, with all the fake people fawning at his feet because of his name and his money. He also knows Isak can be a little sensitive sometimes and has always seemed rather protective of him because of it.

“So what does your father want to talk to you about?” Jonas asks once they’ve pulled out of the main gates. Isak’s house is on a private estate which should make him feel important; instead it just makes him feel isolated and lonely.

“Emma Larzen, probably,” Isak mutters, staring down at his hands. When he looks up he catches Jonas’ eye in the rear-view mirror.

Jonas is the only person in the world who knows Isak likes boys. And only because Isak had drunkenly confessed to having a crush on him when he was sixteen. Still, Jonas had been stubbornly good about the whole thing, proving time and time again that it changed nothing between them and acting as Isak’s most trustworthy confidant on more than one occasion.

“You could just be overreacting,” Jonas offers slowly. “Maybe your dad really had just mentioned her in passing.”

Isak scoffs, a bitter sound. “I doubt it. I’m not going to this business lunch to be offered a hotel to run, that’s for sure.”

Jonas stays quiet but he changes the radio station and suddenly NWA is blaring through the car speakers and Isak closes his eyes. He steels himself, clenching his fingers into fists.

Maybe Jonas is right, maybe he’s overreacting.

*

The first thing his dad says to him once they’ve exchanged pleasantries is, “As you know, I’m working very closely with David Larzen at the moment,” and Isak internally cringes.

“I know,” he answers obediently.

His father nods, “Yes, well. This is very important deal for me, Isak. Larzen has an ideal site in Bergen that could potentially be our sixth hotel. But Bech Næsheim has been circling too and I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been looking to set up a hotel there for a while now. Therefore I need an edge to secure myself the deal.” He pauses, looking at Isak meaningfully over the rim of his glasses.

“Okay,” Isak replies carefully. He can feel his pulse picking up at where this conversation is going.

“I told you about Larzen’s daughter, didn’t I?”

And there it is.

Isak remains perfectly still as he asks, “What about her?”

“Well, she’s a sweet thing; maybe a year younger than you. I’m sure you’d get along very well.”

It’s almost worse, the way his dad won’t actually just say it. Like even he can tell this is fucked up.

“I’m not asking for much, Isak,” his dad says then and Isak wants to laugh. _Right_. “I’ve invited her to your party on Friday. Just get to know the girl, maybe sweet talk her a little. This deal could be a game changer; I need you to tell me you understand the significance of this.”

Isak’s stomach is roiling uncomfortably and the lights in the restaurant are hurting his eyes but he nods.

“I understand.”

* * *

 

Even is sitting on the roof of his father’s hotel, alternating between staring up at the cloudless blue sky and down at the half-finished drawing in his lap. He sighs longingly as the face on the page looks unseeingly back at him.

Before he can start waxing poetic in his head someone drops down to sit beside him, knocking their shoulders together.

“Hey Magnus,” Even smiles, spirits lifting slightly at the sight of his friend.

Rather than greeting him back Magnus looks down at the page before glancing at Even with an exasperated expression. “Sonja? _Again?_ Dude.”

“What?” Even asks innocently even though he knows what Magnus is getting at. He’s sort of had a one track mind recently.

“Bro, let her go,” Magnus pleads. “She’s not worth it.”

“But she’s beautiful!” Even protests.

“You think everything is beautiful,” Magnus rolls his eyes. And well. He’s got him there.

“If it was meant to happen, it would’ve happened by now,” Magnus insists. “And if _I’m_ telling you to let it go, it’s probably time to give up.”

Again, he’s got him there.

“But…” Even begins but doesn’t finish. He’s been consumed with Sonja for weeks. With her beauty and her smile and her laugh. He’s been trying to find a way to talk to her since that first night when he’d met her at a party but his plans keep falling through.

“We need to get your mind off her,” Magnus announces decisively, clicking his fingers before diving into his pockets to search for his phone. “And I know just the thing.”

A second later he’s holding his phone out to Even, screen open on a text from his friend Mahdi about Valtersen’s kid’s birthday.

“Why are you showing me this?” Even asks with a huff. He doesn’t know much about Valtersen’s son but he knows he’s not supposed to associate with him. That much has been clear since Even can remember.

“It’s on Friday and it’s gonna be fucking lit, alright?!” Magnus’ enthusiastic tone is infectious and Even finds himself smiling as his friend jostles his shoulder. “It’s Isak’s eighteenth, you _know_ they’re gonna go all out for it.”

“And how the fuck are we supposed to get in when I’ll be recognised within five seconds?” Even retorts, raising his eyebrows in challenge.

“Read the text, idiot,” Magnus scoffs, showing him the screen again. “It’s a costume party. We’ll fit right in.”

“I don’t know,” Even hesitates even after a moment’s deliberation. He can’t see this being a good idea; his dad would be _pissed_ if he found out. And Even doesn’t even want to _consider_ Valtersen or his minions’ reactions if they caught him there.

“Do you know how many girls are gonna be there trying it on with Isak?” Magnus persists. “Definitely enough to get your mind off Sonja.”

Even rolls his eyes. He’s about to correct Magnus but before he can the other boy beats him to it.

“Plenty of hot guys too,” Magnus adds as an afterthought, grinning slyly when Even looks at him. “Just think about it.”

Even knows objectively that he should. He also knows objectively that this is a terrible fucking idea but maybe being someone else for a night mightn’t be so bad.

He has no Friday plans anyway.

* * *

 

Isak spends the three days before his birthday hiding in his room as much as possible.

He’s only successful about fifty percent of the time since his mother or father always seem to be looking for him – to go over party plans (his mother) or to go over his game plan for Emma (his father). In all honesty, he’s never wanted to go to a party _less_.

Eskild and Jonas keep saying it’s his _eighteenth_ and he should be _excited_ but all Isak can think about is how he’s going to have to spend the entire night with Emma.

He’s been standing in the shower for far too long, having already finished washing his hair long ago but he can’t bring himself to step out of it yet. At least no one can bother him in here.

He wastes another ten minutes before Eskild starts banging on the bathroom door and he sighs, shutting the water off.

Eskild and Noora are waiting for him when he enters his bedroom.

Noora is one of the maids but really she’s more like Isak’s personal stylist when it comes to any kind of event he’s expected to go to. She’s laying out his costume on the bed with care when he closes the door to his en suite. Eskild, on the other hand, is peering at Isak’s face, flushed from spending so long in the shower.

He takes in Isak’s dejected expression then and sighs. “You know tonight is supposed to be _fun_ , Isak.”

“I’m not in a party mood,” Isak brushes him off, clutching the towel a little tighter around his waist while he goes to his drawer to find some underwear. He can hear Noora making her way to the door to let him get changed in private so he turns around to catch her attention before she leaves. “Thanks Noora.”

She pauses in the doorway, smiling genuinely at him. “Happy to help,” she tells him. “I’m sure you’ll look very handsome.”

Isak likes Noora. She’s perceptive but she never pries.

When Eskild clears his throat Isak looks over at him. Isak twirls his finger, gesturing for him to turn around so Isak can change. Eskild rolls his eyes but obliges.

“Guests should be here soon,” Eskild tells his bedroom wall. “Lucky for you, your mother wants to wait until most people arrive before you make your entrance. For someone who doesn’t give a shit about their appearance you take a long time to get ready.”

“I wasn’t grooming in there,” Isak huffs, stepping into his pants after he’s slipped on his underwear. “You can turn around now.”

Eskild does, grinning exasperatedly when he sees what Isak’s wearing. “I can’t believe your mother let you wear _jeans_ under your costume.”

“I’m not wearing a toga with nothing under it,” Isak insists – the same thing he’d told his mother about twenty times in the last four days.

“But it shows off your stunning physique!” Eskild teases but he still moves to help him tie the sash over his shoulder once Isak’s got his shirt on.

Isak doesn’t try to assist him because he knows he’d probably just make it more complicated if he did. Instead he stands still and lets Eskild wrap him up in the red fabric until it’s draped across one shoulder like it’s supposed to.

“Are you doing my hair?” Isak asks after a moment. If Eskild does it, it’ll take longer than if Isak is the one in charge of drying it and that’d mean he’d be arriving to the party even _later_ -

“Nah, Noora is,” Eskild says, cutting off his internal monologue. And that’s even better. Noora takes double the amount of time Eskild does.

“I’m gonna get her,” Eskild continues. “She should still be standing guard outside.”

As much as Eskild can grate on his nerves sometimes, Isak is still endlessly grateful for him. Sometimes he thinks about what his life would be like if Eskild wasn’t the person his dad hired to be his PA and he thinks he might feel even lonelier than he already does. At least Eskild looks out for him.

Isak moves to sit down in front of his mirror and smiles half-heartedly at Noora’s reflection when she comes to stand behind him.

She runs her fingers through his wet hair a couple of times to get the tangles out and her touch is comforting in a way Isak thinks his mother’s touch is supposed to be but hasn’t been for a long time. If Noora notices his melancholy she doesn’t question it – like he said, she doesn’t pry - before she reaches for the hairbrush and hairdryer. She remains quiet while she dries his hair and Isak lets the white noise of the hairdryer clear his head.

It’s only when his hair is dry and Noora is fluffing it up, making sure his curls cooperate, that she actually speaks. “So of all the people here tonight, how many of them do you actually want to see?”

Isak blows out a breath. “Jonas. Mahdi. You and Eskild. Eva and Sana too.”

“So the staff and two of your friends from school?” Noora asks with a delicately arched eyebrow.

Isak lets out a tiny laugh but nods his head. “Jonas has the night off and you, Eva and Eskild can clock off early, okay? It’s my party I can do what I want.”

Noora starts humming “It’s My Party, I Can Cry If I Want to” under her breath and Isak scowls at her in the mirror.

“What about that girl I heard you talking to Eskild about?” Noora asks innocuously. “Emma?”

Isak doesn’t reply but his face must speak volumes because Noora is suddenly giving his shoulder a comforting pat and walking around to stand in front of him. She picks up the gold wreath sitting on the vanity and gently places it on top of Isak’s head, completing his costume.

“Smile, Isak,” she urges gently. “You don’t know what tonight has instore for you.”

That’s what Isak is afraid of.

* * *

 

Even looks ridiculous and he doesn’t care.

He’s in a white tunic and wearing a white, bushy wig and beard that conceals most of his face. Magnus crows enthusiastically when he returns from the bathroom fully changed, raising his beer can in salute to Even.

“No one is gonna recognise you like this, man! We’re  _so_  getting in!”

“I thought you said Mahdi invited you?” Even asks, reaching for his own beer that Vilde dutifully holds out to him.

“He did,” Magnus replies, unfazed. “But he definitely didn’t invite _you_. We’re infiltrating enemy territory tonight, bro. How does it feel beginning your life of crime?”

Even rolls his eyes; he doesn’t care that it’s a Valtersen party. He’s mostly just hoping that Sonja might show up or, if not, that this might be enough of a distraction for him to stop thinking about her.

“Eva text me and said she and Noora are going to be there too,” Vilde offers when Even doesn’t reply to Magnus’ goading. She’s dressed up as a cat – she looks very cute. “She said the place looks amazing. It’s definitely going to be one of the parties of the year.”

Vilde’s got that glint in her eyes that she gets every time some kind of social event is planned. She’s a big fan of the whole high society lifestyle and on anyone else Even would find it irritating – with Vilde it’s mostly endearing.

Even smiles half-heartedly at her, still not able to muster up real enthusiasm for tonight. Even if he does find a distraction tonight, he doubts whoever it is could really compare to Sonja.

“Alright. That’s it,” Magnus announces, hauling himself out of his chair and readjusting the moustache on his face. His policeman costume is both hilarious and oddly ironic considering what they’re doing tonight. “Get up. Come on, we’re going. I’m sick of you moping, I’m going to _prove_ to you that tonight’s gonna be good. Finish your beer.”

Even obediently downs the last dregs of his beer as Vilde begins searching for her purse and then Magnus is herding them out the door of the suite.

They take the tram and walk the rest of the way to the Valtersens’ mansion – Magnus insists taking a car would be too obvious and draw attention.

When they come upon the main gates Even can’t help but feel vaguely impressed; they’re towering and golden with ornate angels carved into the bars. There are two men at the gates standing guard and Even recognises one of them as William Magnusson – one of Valtersen’s high society gang members – but as soon as Magnus announces his name and shows them his ID they’re pulling the gates back and opening up the party to them.

They start the walk up the long, winding driveway and Even feels somewhat in awe of what he sees. The place looks more like a palace than a house with stone columns bordering the porch and balconies and a fountain with a statue of yet another angel situated right in front of the main doors.

The place is pouring with people and the music gets louder the closer they get to the entrance. Vilde is all but vibrating with excitement beside him and he knows this is like Christmas has come early for her. Magnus doesn’t seem to be much better on his other side, letting out impressed exclamations every few seconds when he spots something new.

“Tonight is gonna be a night to remember,” he says when they reach the porch and Even feels his lips tug up in a smile.

Maybe.

*

They lose Vilde within seconds of entering the party. All Even hears is her high-pitched shout of, “Chris! Sana!” before she’s rushing over to two girls - one dressed up as what Even is pretty sure is an astronaut and the other dressed head to toe in all black.

It’s only a few minutes later when Magnus starts tugging on his arm. “Man, come on there’s Mahdi! Let’s see if he brought his stash with him so you can actually loosen the fuck up and enjoy yourself.”

Even huffs exasperatedly but follows Magnus through the crowd anyway.

“Mahdi!” Magnus exclaims once they’re close enough for him to be heard over the crowd. Mahdi looks up from his conversation and breaks into a wide smile, excusing himself from the Eeyore he’d been talking to to greet Magnus. They clap each other’s backs and exchange some playful ribbing – mostly at Magnus’ expense – before Magnus turns around to beckon Even closer.

“Dude, this is Even,” he says to Mahdi. “Even, this is Mahdi.”

“Even Bech Næsheim,” Mahdi says with a smirk, offering his hand. “Brave of you to show up here.”

Even replies with a smirk of his own, shaking Mahdi’s hand. “Am I about to be arrested for treachery?”

Mahdi laughs and Even thinks he may have one of the brightest smiles he’s ever seen. “Nah, man. Isak’s chill. He doesn’t give a shit about any of that stuff between your parents. It’s his dad you need to keep an eye out for. And the “riot boys”.”

Mahdi’s exasperated expression says he’s just as unimpressed with Valtersen’s minions as Even is but Even still knows better than to underestimate them. They all work in Valtersen’s hotel but Valtersen likes to use them to do his dirty work. They’ve delivered more than one threat to Even’s father before in the form of beaten and bloody staff members.

“Noted,” Even replies, glancing around the room and wondering idly which one of the masked faces could be Isak. For all that their parents’ feud is extremely public and vitriolic, Even’s never actually seen Isak before. Not having his own social media means he doesn’t tend to go Facebook stalking and he avoids anything the tabloids say about either of their families at all costs. Magnus is friendly enough with him since they go to school together and havr some mutual friends but even he tends not bring Isak up much when he’s with Even. Still, he can’t help but be a little curious as to who his supposed sworn enemy is supposed to be.

“Is Isak here yet?” Magnus asks, cutting through his thoughts and forcing Even to redirect his focus to Mahdi.

“Yeah, made his grand entrance like half an hour ago,” Mahdi says before laughing. “He fucking hated it too; you know this whole party was his mom’s idea.”

“Oh boohoo,” Magnus scoffs. “Do you know how many girls are gonna be throwing themselves at him tonight? Ungrateful, if you ask me.”

“Not everyone is as concerned with hooking up as you are, Mags,” Even elbows him teasingly.

“Whatever.” Magnus waves a hand, “Where’s Jonas?”

“Last I saw he was keeping Isak company,” Mahdi tells them and Even can see the way Magnus glances at him out of the corner of his eye.

For all Magnus’ talk, Even knows he doesn’t actually want them to get caught out tonight. If Even were to directly talk to Isak that would almost definitely happen.

“You go. Say hi to the birthday boy,” Even says, trying his best to sound blasé and not balk at the thought of being left stranded here. “I’m gonna dance for a while. You can come find me later.”

“You sure?” Magnus asks and Even nods. That seems to be enough for him to set off with Mahdi and exclaim that he’s disowning Even if he’s not hooking up with someone hot by the time Magnus comes back.

Even laughs and waves him off, looking around him for anyone he might know. Unlikely, considering he’s in Valtersen territory but still. He does catch sight of Elias though, talking to Chris Schistad a few feet away, so he promptly spins on his heel and disappears into the thick of the crowd.

The bathroom sounds like a pretty safe option.

* * *

 

Isak is standing in the corner with Jonas, nursing a beer and hiding from his father, when he sees Mahdi and Magnus approaching.

“Broooo!” Magnus yells once he breaks through the crowd, reaching out to give Isak a high-five. “Happy fucking birthday!”

Isak tries to keep the sullen look on his face but it’s hard when Magnus’ enthusiasm is so contagious. Instead, he lets Magnus pull a smile out of him and returns his high-five as excitedly as he can. “Thanks Magnus.”

He still must not be very convincing though. “God, what’s wrong with you? You’re just as bad as-“ Magnus abruptly cuts himself off, staring at Mahdi with wide eyes. “Um, never mind. But seriously, why do you look so down? It’s your _birthday!”_

“Just still waiting for the alcohol to kick in I guess,” Isak answers. It’s partially the truth – he’s pretty sure getting so drunk he’s unaware of his surroundings is going to be one of the only ways to make tonight bearable.

But then Jonas is giving him the concerned eyebrows like he can tell exactly what Isak is thinking and Isak knows he isn’t gonna be getting drunk tonight without a chaperone.

Magnus opens his mouth to reply when Chris interrupts them, sparing a glance at the boys before giving Isak a pointed look. “Your father’s looking for you.”

Isak suppresses a frown. That can only mean one thing – Emma’s here. “Thanks, I’ll go find him.”

Isak bids everyone goodbye before Chris can offer to take him to his father, immediately disappearing into the crowd and hoping the swarms of people are enough to keep him hidden until he can escape the room.

With one more backward glance over his shoulder, Isak slips into the corridor and heads for the bathroom.

* * *

 

Even has been hiding out in the bathroom for about twenty minutes – his sleeves rolled up and his wig and beard discarded on the sink. They’d been sweaty and itchy to start with and the heat of the party has just made it worse.

He splashes some water on his face and runs his fingers through his hair a couple of times, pushing it back and twisting it into a feeble attempt at a quiff to keep it back off his face. Just as he’s finishing up he hears the bang of a door around the corner telling him someone else has come into the bathroom.

He checks his watch and considers his reflection one last time.

He should probably go back out to the party.

He bunches up the wig and beard in one hand and turns around, ready to leave, when he suddenly collides with someone.

Even stumbles back a step and the stranger does too, blinking up at Even a moment later as if they haven’t really registered yet what’s happened and-

Oh.

 _Oh_.

The person – _a boy_ – is staring at Even, mouth dropped open in a tiny ‘o’.

He’s beautiful. The most beautiful person Even has ever seen. So beautiful that, for the first time in too long, Sonja completely disappears from Even’s mind. His eyes roam over the boy’s face – his golden curls, accentuated by the gold wreath on top of his head, his startlingly green eyes that are still looking up at Even, his pale, defined cheekbones, his perfect cupid’s bow lips and Even is-

Even is caught.

“Halla,” he murmurs belatedly, watching, transfixed, as the boy’s eyes widen just the tiniest bit and his tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“Halla,” the boy murmurs back and it’s only at this point that Even realises how close together they are. Still only two steps apart, close enough that a heaving breath would probably cause their chests to brush together.

And there’s something so incredibly precarious about this moment – Even feels like he’s standing on the precipice of something important right now. He’s not sure what but he knows it starts and ends with this boy’s eyes.

He opens his mouth to say something else when the bathroom door is suddenly crashing open again and the boy is jumping away from him. A harried-looking man rounds the corner and exhales an enormous breath when his eyes land on the boy.

“ _Finally_ , Isak. I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Your father wants to see you.”

Isak.

Wait.

_Isak? Isak Valtersen?!_

The boy – _Isak_ – casts a glance at Even before looking back to the other man. The other man who seems to have only just realised Even is in the room. He follows Isak’s gaze and his eyes widen in what is definitely recognition – fuck – before he looks between the two of them with a scrutinising expression.

Even doesn’t recognise him but he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s one of Valtersen’s men. He’s bracing himself for the threat but it never comes.

Instead the man looks at Isak with a pleading expression. “Come on, Isak,” he prods gently. “We have to go. Now.”

Isak sends him one last hesitant look before dropping his head and following the man out of the bathroom.

Even remains frozen to the spot for a moment before he collapses against the sinks. _That’s_ Isak Valtersen? It can’t be; he can’t be. He feels- he doesn’t know what he feels but he knows the son of his father’s sworn enemy isn’t the one who’s supposed to be making him feel it.

He shakes his head, mind replaying their brief moment together over and over again.

He knows he shouldn’t, he knows it’s a fucking _terrible_ idea, but he has to see.

He just- he has to see if this is real.

He needs to find Isak.

* * *

 

Emma Larzen is an objectively pretty girl with short brown hair and a bright smile. Isak can tell instantly that he wouldn’t have to try all that hard to get her to like him back if he was actually interested in her. A charming smile maybe – like the one he offered her while his father watched from over his shoulder – some flirty words and she’d be his.

Too bad Isak feels absolutely nothing when he shakes her hand.

“We’ll let you two get acquainted, share a dance,” Emma’s father says and Isak is mildly disgusted by the almost suggestive look on his face. Emma doesn’t seem to notice though.

“Yes, let’s dance!” she declares, catching Isak’s hand in hers and towing him towards the dancefloor. “I love this song.”

Isak puts his hands on her waist like he’s supposed to once they’re in amongst everyone else on the dancefloor and allows Emma to pull him close, mostly because he’s sure his father has spies on them right now. Emma’s trying to talk to him and Isak is half-listening but his mind is stuck on the boy in the bathroom.

The most enchanting boy Isak had ever seen.

God, he doesn’t know what happened in there.  But he’d met the boy’s gaze and suddenly all the breath had been stolen from his lungs. He’d felt frozen, felt like he’d been experiencing the aftershocks of being electrocuted after they’d collided.

He’s liked boys before both with fleeting interest and with more serious crushes like Jonas but he’s never- he’s never had the wind so thoroughly knocked out of him like he had in that moment.

Feeling eyes on him that aren’t Emma’s, Isak looks up, gaze locking onto the boy again.

He’s leaning against a pillar opposite where Isak and Emma are dancing and he’s staring at Isak with a look Isak doesn’t know how to decipher.

Before he can do anything else, however, Emma seems to have realised he’s not paying attention to her and catches his face between her hands.

“I don’t think our parents are watching anymore,” she whispers and if Isak believed that were true he would’ve stopped touching her a long time ago. She grins and Isak already knows where this is going. He braces himself for the kiss, thankful Emma’s eyes are closed so she doesn’t see the way his face twists up in a grimace right before their lips slide together.

It’s completely unremarkable and Isak closes his eyes more out of obligation than anything else. Emma’s lips are soft and there’s nothing _wrong_ with them but nothing about this feels right either.

When Isak manages to push past the twisting of his own stomach he remembers the boy standing against the pillar. Feebly keeping his lips moving against Emma’s, he opens his eyes again.

The boy is still staring at him, eyes dark and expression setting Isak’s heart racing.

Isak can’t even consider what he and Emma are doing kissing anymore; he’s barely moving his mouth, too hypnotised by the boy standing five feet away. Emma seems to notice his lack of cooperation but rather than it deterring her she just moves to kiss his jaw. Isak swallows down the itch to push her off him and tries to think of an excuse to put an end to this but then-

The song changes just as she reaches his neck and Isak has never been so relieved. He steps away from her and clears his throat, looking off to the side awkwardly. It surprises her, he can tell.

“Would you excuse me for one minute?” he asks, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice and reaching inside the depths of his brain to pull out some of that long-forgotten charm to keep her on side. “I just saw one of my dad’s associates and I really have to thank him for the gift he got me. I promise I’ll be right back.”

Emma blinks, taken aback, but she recovers quickly. “Oh- okay, okay. Yeah! That’s fine.”

“Takk.” He smiles briefly but he’s not sure he manages to hide how quickly he runs away from her.

He doesn’t go straight for the boy even though he’s aching to. No, instead he moves towards the elevator. He inhales a quick breath when he catches the boy doing the same thing out of the corner of his eye, walking parallel to him as they make their way through the crowd.

Isak meets his gaze for one agonising second before he picks up the pace. He slams his hand into the elevator button as soon as he arrives and the doors open just as the boy steps up behind him.

Isak hurries inside, spinning around as soon as he’s through the doors and finding himself toe to toe with the boy.

He almost stumbles but the boy’s hands reach out to catch his waist. Isak stills at the contact, eyes finding the boy’s as he looks up. The next thing Isak knows, he’s being walked backwards into the elevator just as the doors close again. His back hits the wall with a soft thud and his hands reach up of their own volition to latch onto the boy’s forearms.

They stare at one another for an indeterminable length of time and _Isak doesn’t know what he’s doing_. He doesn’t know what this is.

But he doesn’t want to stop.

Their foreheads drift together and when the boy exhales Isak feels his breath ghost over his own lips. It sends shivers down his spine.

They’re so close, their lips are _so close_ , and this is nothing like Emma. Isak _wants_ this, Isak wants to get lost in this.

The boy must hear the elevator ding before he does because within an instant, he’s leaning against the other wall and the elevator doors are opening to reveal Eskild.

“Isak,” Eskild says warily but he’s not looking at Isak; he’s looking at the boy. “Isak,” he says again, seemingly redirecting his focus. “We have to go, come on.”

“What? Why?” Isak asks, shaking his head in confusion.

Eskild steps into the elevator then, grabbing his arms and attempting to tug him out. “I’ll explain later, we have to _go_.”

Before he can say anything else Magnus, of all people, rushes into the elevator. But he doesn’t go for Isak; instead he grabs the boy’s arm.

“Even!” he says frantically. “We have to go! Elias found out you’re here, we need to leave _now_.”

The boy – Even, apparently – doesn’t say anything but he hurries out of the elevator with only a fleeting glance at Isak. It only takes a few seconds for Isak to lose him in the crowd but Eskild is dragging him away anyway so it doesn’t matter.

“Eskild, what’s going on?” Isak demands.

“ _That was Even Bech Næsheim_ ,” Eskild hisses, towing him towards the back staircase.

Isak feels his heart seize and he stumbles as Eskild continues to try and pull him along. “What?” he asks shakily.

“He came with Magnus,” Eskild elaborates. “Elias and the others found out and they’re _pissed_. If they catch him, he’s a dead man. The party’s over so a fucking riot doesn’t break out because those idiots have just enough alcohol in them that they _would_.”

But Isak isn’t listening to him anymore.

Even Bech Næsheim.

The boy making Isak’s heart beat double-time in his chest is Even Bech Næsheim.

He can’t believe he didn’t realise it earlier. Even doesn’t have any social media and any pictures of him in the press are usually grainy or leave his appearance partly concealed through sunglasses or a hat but _still_.

A sick part of his brain almost wants to laugh because _of course_. It’s not enough for Isak to like boys when he shouldn’t, no, he has to go and like _that_ boy.

The one boy his father would condemn him for being with without question.

He doesn’t say anything else as Eskild leads him into his bedroom, too numb to speak. Isak drops down onto the foot of his bed and braces his elbows on his knees, mind still racing.

“Isak,” Eskild says and the nervousness in his voice causes Isak to look up.

“What were you doing with him?”

* * *

 

Even is on the next street over, running with Magnus and Vilde towards a waiting car that Vilde had had the foresight to call when she’d realised people had discovered Even was there.

It isn’t until the car is in sight that he stops.

_Can I go forward when my heart is here?_

He can’t leave things with Isak like that. He _can’t_. He needs to talk to him.

Magnus trips over his own feet to stop himself when he realises Even isn’t running anymore. “Even, what the fuck are you doing?! Come on!”

“I left my wig,” Even pants out for lack of a better excuse.

“ _What?”_ Magnus asks incredulously. “Fuck the wig. Dude we have to go! Schistad and those guys don’t fuck around!”

“I’ll get back later, Mags, it’s fine!” he calls, already running back towards the house. “I need to get my wig!”

“Fy faen, Even, what the hell are you doing?!”

Even doesn’t answer, running as fast as he can back in the direction they came.

He has to talk to Isak properly.

Just once.

*

The ten foot walls that surround the Valtersen mansion pose a bit of a problem but Even can’t risk the main gates again. He decides to try his luck with one of the trees sitting just outside the back wall and finds it’s not as terrible as he’d feared. The main issue is getting from the tree to the wall but, after some very careful manoeuvring and some even more careful balancing, he finds himself sitting on top of the wall looking into the Valtersens’ back garden.

It’s fairly understated except for the giant pool that takes up the majority of the space.

There are enough rock fixtures by the wall that Even is able to climb into the garden without much damage. He sticks close to the wall, the open space making him too uneasy, as he considers how to get back inside. And more importantly, how to find Isak.

He ducks down behind a shrub when he a figure suddenly appears in one of the entrances he’d been considering. He waits a minute or so before peeking his head up to see if needs to be worried but then-

Isak.

 _It’s Isak_.

He steps out of his crouch, moving away from the shrubs, but Isak doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet. He’s no longer wearing his makeshift toga or the pretty wreath in his hair, instead just clothed in the grey jeans and grey long-sleeved t-shirt he’d been wearing underneath. He’s pacing, staring steadfastly at the ground and seemingly thinking very hard.

When he turns his back on him Even decides to make his move. He pads closer, careful to make as little noise as possible.  He has all these plans, of walking up to Isak, of spinning him around, of _kissing him_ like he’s wanted to since he saw Isak kissing that girl. Instead, Isak turns around unexpectedly,  bumps into him, and is so startled that he trips and falls into the pool, dragging Even with him in an almighty splash.

Even resurfaces coughing and spluttering, shoving his sopping hair out of his eyes so he can open them without blinding himself.  When he does he finds Isak floating a couple of feet away from him, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Isak asks. Even thinks it’s supposed to sound indignant but it can’t be described as anything more than curious – perhaps hopeful but then again, that just could be Even’s wishful thinking.

He swims closer, close enough to watch Isak visibly swallow at the proximity. “I wanted to see you,” he murmurs, the corners of his mouth lifting in a smile at the complete bewilderment on Isak’s face.

After a moment though, Isak’s expression settles into something more wary. “You’re a Bech Næsheim,” he whispers.

“And you’re a Valtersen,” Even replies quietly.

Isak gasps when Even’s hands make contact with his waist but he doesn’t pull away. Instead he lets Even tug him closer.

“This is a bad idea,” Isak insists weakly.

“Probably,” Even agrees. And then he kisses him.

And the world cracks open.

Isak’s breath stutters as their lips collide and his hands cling to Even’s shoulders like he needs something to hold onto. Even can’t stop trying to get closer – he pulls Isak in by his hips and rolls their foreheads together again and again and again to make their lips catch. Isak’s lips are soft and pliant against his, slotting against Even’s so perfectly Even is _convinced_ they were made for this.

Somewhere between the kisses they forget to keep kicking their legs to keep themselves afloat and they start to sink. They slip under water before either of them really has a chance to stop it and their lips detach when they do but Even doesn’t let it stop him. He opens his eyes and through the stinging of the chlorine he can see Isak watching him from half a foot away. Even kicks off the bottom of the pool to swim closer and close the distance between them, parting his lips long enough to let a gulp of water in before Isak’s mouth is on his again.

It’s one, two, three, four, five soft presses of lips before Even can’t hold his breath any longer and they begin to float to the surface once again.

They break apart to catch their breath and Even feels himself laugh in disbelief when he meets Isak’s shocked expression.

It’s never felt like this before.

Even’s never kissed someone like this before. Even’s never _wanted_ to kiss someone like this before. Has never felt this bone deep craving for someone after only knowing them for a matter of hours.

He swims close to Isak again, fingers trailing up Isak’s neck and leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Can I kiss you again?” he whispers, nosing at Isak’s cheek and smiling when he hears the shaky breath Isak stutters out.

“ _Please_ ,” Isak utters and that’s all Even needs before he’s crushing their mouths together.

It’s desperate in a way it hadn’t been before. In the way their hands roam like they don’t know where to settle, in the way they’re both loath to separate for longer than a second to give themselves a chance to breathe. Isak is braver this time too, still pliant under Even’s touch but more needy in the way he drags Even in, in the way he opens his mouth for Even’s tongue, in the way he lets out the softest whimpering sound when Even tugs on his bottom lip with his teeth.

And if Even only has sixty seconds to live, this is the last thing he ever wants to feel.

He’s just about to try and coax that sound out of Isak again when he hears a call of, “Isak!” above them.

Isak tears his mouth away from him with a frantic, “ _shit_ ,” as he whips his head around to locate the voice. “It’s Eskild,” Isak mumbles when the voice calls again. He turns to looks at Even and hastily latches onto his sleeve to tug him towards the edge of the pool.

“Come on,” he urges. “He’s in my room, if he comes out onto the balcony and sees you down here with me he’ll freak out.”

Even swims with him to the edge of the pool and as soon as they’ve climbed out Isak grabs his hand and pulls him forward until they’re hiding directly under the balcony to Isak’s room.

Eskild calls Isak’s name again, definitely on the balcony this time, and Isak takes a steadying breath before he steps into sight.

“I’ll be up in a second, Eskild,” he calls and Even can hear the startled noise Eskild makes, likely at Isak’s saturated state.

“Why did you go in the pool fully clothed?” Eskild asks incredulously.

“I slipped and fell in,” Isak offers which isn’t technically a lie. “I’m coming up now Eskild, relax. Everyone’s gone home anyway. No riots to worry about.”

“I still want to talk to you,” Eskild says in a way that sounds like he’s reminding Isak of something but then Isak is walking back over to Even so he must have gone back inside

“I need to go,” Isak tells him with a regretful twist to his mouth. “Eskild is gonna come out here looking for me if I’m not upstairs in the next two minutes.”

Even feels disappointment settle in his chest at the thought of having to cut the night short. He hasn’t even gotten the chance to talk to Isak properly yet. He wants to know him, to learn all the tiny little details about him that no one else knows. He wants to kiss him into oblivion and then kiss him again.

“Come out to your balcony when you get upstairs,” he requests abruptly, an idea forming in his idea.

Isak blinks in surprise. “What- Even, I _can’t_. Something tells me Eskild isn’t gonna leave me alone any time soon.”

“Please,” Even persists, catching Isak’s wrist and watching the way Isak’s gaze snaps down at the point of contact. “I’ll wait for you. Just for five minutes.”

He can see Isak wavering as he deliberates and eventually, he nods, blowing out a breath. “Okay, fine. But I really do have to go.”

Even draws him in for one last kiss, brushing their lips together gently before releasing him. Isak stares at him, seeming a little dazed for a moment before he shakes himself out of it.

“The balcony,” Even reminds him, biting back his amused smile.

“I’ll see you in a second,” Isak promises and then he’s disappearing inside.

Waiting for Isak to return is the longest four and a half minutes of Even’s life but when he hears a hushed, _“Even!”_ he’s rushing out from beneath the balcony. Isak is leaning over the edge to look down at him and Even can see the smile he’s trying to hide from all the way down on the ground.

His eyes catch on the trellis running up the wall next to Isak’s balcony and he figures of all the things he’s done tonight this is probably the least insane so he only laughs when Isak hisses, “ _What the hell are you doing?”_ as he starts to climb.

He manages to step over onto the balcony with Isak’s help and a lot of luck, stumbling a couple of steps as he lands on his feet and causing Isak to move with him.

“Eskild thinks I’m in the shower but he could come back at any minute,” Isak warns, looking anxiously through the open door that’s covered by the curtains.

“I can be quiet,” Even whispers, taking Isak’s face between his hands and watching in fascination as Isak melts under his touch, eyelids fluttering closed and chin tilting up of its own accord to make it all the more easy for Even to kiss him once again.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Even murmurs against his lips and he feels more than hears Isak’s sharp intake of breath.

“This is a bad idea,” Isak mutters – the same words he’d said earlier in the pool.

“It’s worth it though,” Even insists quietly, mouthing curving into a reassuring smile when Isak leans his head back to look at him.

“How do you know?” Isak asks and Even can hear the combination of a challenge and plea in his voice. “You don’t even know me.”

“But I want to,” Even replies lowly. “I know enough to know that I want to.”

Isak is still hesitating but Even can tell he’s looking for a reason to be convinced.

“Just see me tomorrow,” he tries again. “If nothing else comes of this after that then that’s okay. I’ll let this simply be one magical night to look on fondly when I’m feeling nostalgic. But I feel like this could be more than that, if we let it be.”

There’s a beat of silence and then Isak takes him by surprise by leaning his forehead against Even’s and letting out a tiny sigh. “I want to believe you.”

Even brushes their noses together, fingers curling in the wet hair at the nape of Isak’s neck. “Then do.”

“Tomorrow,” Isak breathes decisively, gaze flicking up to meet Even’s. “We can see each other tomorrow.”

Even’s smile is blinding but he doesn’t try to hide it. Instead he presses a kiss to Isak’s cheek and mouth in quick succession, making the other boy blush and duck his head to hide his own smile.

God, he’s mesmerising.

“Give me your number and I’ll text you with a time and place.”

Isak glances down at his attire and it takes Even a second to realise he’s _not_ checking out his abs through his now see through tunic. “Do you even have your phone with you?” Isak asks dubiously.

Oh. Shit.

“My friend has it,” he answers sheepishly, remembering Vilde putting it in her handbag for him since he didn’t have any pockets.

Isak laughs and it’s the most magnificent sound Even has ever heard. “Wait right here,” he tells him, stepping away and moving back towards the doors to his room.

He seems to think better of this after a moment though because within seconds he’s darting back over to Even and stealing a kiss. Isak pulls away with a blush high on his cheeks and Even is sure this must be love. There’s no other explanation for the eruption of butterflies in his stomach right now.

Isak hurries inside and returns almost just as quickly. He steps up to Even and hands him a folded up piece of paper.

Even takes it, opening the paper and seeing a phone number scribbled hastily beneath Isak’s name. But it’s the little heart drawn after his name that really makes Even’s knees turn to jelly.

He beams up at Isak, folding the piece of paper carefully into the palm of his hand. “I’ll text you. I promise.”

“Isak! Are you even in the shower?” Eskild yells from inside and Isak cringes. “Are you on the balcony?

“I really do have to go now,” Isak says bashfully, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he watches Even.

“Tomorrow,” Even promises, kissing him one last time because he needs to. He needs his mouth to remember this.

“Tomorrow,” Isak agrees, brushing the words over Even’s lips before taking a purposeful step back.

It doesn’t work very well when Even follows him.

Isak laughs but kisses him again. And again. And again. And again until they almost fall through the doorway to Isak’s room.

“Okay, you really need to leave,” Isak whispers, stifling a laugh but still allowing their lips to slot together one last time.

“I’ll dream about you tonight,” Even tells him, kissing his cheek and finally letting go. He climbs over the balcony ledge, clinging onto the trellis again before looking up and offering Isak one last smile.

“Goodnight,” Isak murmurs, an awed sort of smile on his face.

“Goodnight,” Even whispers back.

 _Parting is such sweet sorrow_.

* * *

 

Eskild is waiting for him with folded arms and an imperious stare when Isak returns to his bedroom. “What happened tonight?”

“Nothing,” Isak deflects, picking up the towel Eskild had laid out for him on his bed.

“ _Isak_ ,” Eskild exclaims frustratedly. “What were you doing with Even Bech Næsheim?”

“ _Nothing_!” Isak insists again, feeling a flare of panic in his chest. He doesn’t really give a shit about the feud and the fact that he and Even aren’t supposed to talk to each other. But the thought of _anyone –_ even Eskild – knowing that he likes boys? That’s not something Isak is really ready to deal with right now. “We were just talking; I didn’t know who he was.”

“If one of your father’s neanderthals had seen you-“

“I know,” Isak huffs, spinning around to face Eskild once again. “It’s fine, Eskild. No one saw us, I promise.”

Eskild nods but he still looks bothered about something. He opens his mouth to speak before hesitating but Isak waits him out. He’d rather get the entire lecture out of the way before he goes to bed.

Eventually Eskild seems to decide what he wants to say. “You know you can talk to me,” he says slowly. “About _anything_ , Isak.”

Isak’s stomach drops at the implication behind his words but he simply nods, managing a weak smile as he says, “I know, Eskild, thanks. But I’m gonna shower, okay?”

Eskild nods and gives him a rueful smile before moving towards the bedroom door. “Sure. Goodnight, Isak.”

* * *

 

Even walks back to the tram stop in a daze, disbelieving smile firmly in place the whole way home. The piece of paper Isak gave him is still clutched securely in his hand and he doesn’t dare do anything with it for fear of him losing it or it floating away. He memorises it on the tram anyway just in case.

Magnus is waiting in his suite when he finally gets home, bolting out of his seat when he comes through the door.

“Where the fuck have you been?” he demands. “I tried calling you but Vilde has your phone.”

“I told you,” Even says, rolling his eyes. “I went back to get my wig.”

Magnus looks down at his – save for the note – empty hands. “But you don’t have it?”

Even looks follows his gaze down and laughs. “I don’t! I must’ve forgotten it.”

Magnus furrows his brow, expression becoming somewhat wary. “Dude, are you feeling okay? Like, you don’t feeling like you’re slipping, do you?”

Even feels his good mood immediately dissipate and his smile drops. “I’m _fine_ , Mags. I’m not fucking manic; I just had a good time tonight, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Magnus accepts and then he lets it drop, sly grin suddenly appearing. “So why did you have a good time? Is that a phone number in your hand?”

And this is why Even loves Magnus. He’s the only person who actually _believes_ him when Even tells him he did something because he wanted to, not because he was having an episode. His own smile creeps onto his face again at the mention of the number and Magnus punches his shoulder.

“What the fuck? Who was it? Were they hot? Is that why you went back?” Magnus asks each question in quick succession and Even can’t help but laugh.

“Stop talking and I’ll tell you,” Even chuckles, dropping onto the couch with Magnus following quickly behind him.

“I met a boy,” he admits after a moment.

He keeps the rest of the details vague no matter how hard Magnus presses. He knows Magnus is friendly with Isak and he’d probably be fine with it but if Even’s sure of one thing after tonight it’s that Isak’s not out yet. The last thing Even wants to do is put him in an uncomfortable position.

He eventually gets Magnus to leave once he’s satiated him with enough details and takes a quick shower before crawling into bed.

He finds his phone on his nightstand presumably dropped off by Vilde and quickly programmes in Isak’s number.

He texts Isak the address of a park near his dad’s hotel along with a time and receives a, “ _Can’t wait! :)”_ from Isak a few moments later before locking his phone and dropping it on the nightstand once again.

Tomorrow.

He falls asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

 

Isak spends the entire morning trying to figure out a way to leave the house without raising suspicion. He sits through an uncomfortable breakfast with his parents in the morning and smiles politely in the face of his father’s snide remarks – turns out Elias had noticed him giving Emma the slip; he thankfully didn’t seem to notice Isak going into the elevator with Even though. His mother, on the other hand, keeps making pointed comments about the party ending earlier than it should’ve because of the “hooligans you have running that hotel, Terje,” and Isak is glad he’s not the only one getting a lecture this morning.

He figures breakfast is enough time to scold him, however, and he slips away after their meal with his fingers crossed that he won’t be called back by his father.

By the time it gets to 12pm and he still hasn’t received a summons he’s almost positive he’s off the hook so he texts Jonas.

_“Need you to drop me somewhere in 30mins and not tell Eskild, plsssss”_

**“Are you gonna give me any more details than that?”**

Isak’s throat feels dry at the thought of telling Jonas any of this. He _can’t_ tell him it’s Even; Jonas would freak out and either try to change Isak’s mind or tell Eskild when he couldn’t. But maybe- maybe he can tell him part of it…

_“I’ll tell you in the car…so are we good to go?”_

Jonas texts him back the thumbs up emoji and Isak breathes a sigh of relief. At least that’s one less thing to worry about.

And now onto the next issue: his cover story.

“ _If anyone asks, you and I were hanging out today_.”

Sana texts him back in record time with a simple, **“What’s in it for me?”**

_“My eternal gratefulness?”_

**“Try again.”**

_“Please Sana, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important…”_

Her next reply takes longer but he feels his mouth curve up in a smile at the sight of it.

**“Fine. But you officially owe me and I’m cashing in this favour whenever I want.”**

_“Whatever you want!!!!! Takk!”_

He and Sana had had a rocky start to their friendship with them repeatedly butting heads as biology partners but out of that they’d somehow built a functional relationship based on mutual respect and dragging other people – or Sana dragging him. She’s reliable and he knows she’s one of the only people he can count on not to ask questions.

With that done, Isak decides to get ready.

He doesn’t want to look like he’s put too much effort in but also- he can’t _help_ but freak out over his appearance. Even had looked so effortlessly cool last night, even dressed up in a half-assed God costume, and Isak is only a little bit worried about not looking quite so impressive in the light of day.

What if it had just been the alcohol talking? What if it had all just been some stupid dare? Or a plan like Isak’s dad had for him with Emma? What if Even’s dad had somehow found out Isak was gay and wanted Even to seduce him to get to his father?

No, _no_. Stop.

He needs to relax.

What happened last night- Even felt it too.

Isak knows he did.

He focuses on methodically getting dressed, ensuring he has his keys and his phone and his wallet, debating a snapback before finally deciding against it, and by the time he’s circling right back around to freaking out again Jonas is texting him to say he’s outside.

As if on cue, Eskild finds him just as he’s running out the door. “Where are you going?”

“To meet Sana!” Isak calls over his shoulder, pulling the door closed behind him to avoid any more questions.

Jonas gives him a, “Halla,” as soon as he gets in the car and starts to pull away the second Isak’s belt buckle clicks into the clasp.

He at least has the decorum to wait until they’re out the main gates before he segues into their conversation with an inelegant, “Alright, spill.”

Isak struggles to push down the immediate panic the words evoke in him. It’s _fine_. It’s just Jonas. Jonas knows and Jonas still loves him – he won’t react badly.

“I met a boy,” he admits with a mumble, staring steadfastly down at his phone in his hands. This is still new for him. He never hooks up with boys; the risk had always seemed too great and he’s been nowhere _near_ ready to be out all year. He’s never had to have this kind of conversation with Jonas before.

“Yeah?” Jonas asks interestedly. Isak can hear the smile in his voice and it means so much to him, his throat feels thick with emotion.

“What’s his name?” Jonas continues, manoeuvring easily into traffic.

“Ev-“ Isak cuts himself off, panicking for a moment. He can’t say Even’s name; Jonas will figure it out in an instant and then this whole thing is fucked. “Um. Adrian.”

“Is he handsome?”

Isak laughs and Jonas joins him a moment later.  “Talking about boys with you is so _weird_ ,” Isak huffs but he feels lighter; the pressure around his heart doesn’t feel so constricting anymore.

“Alright!” Jonas laughs. “I’m just trying to make sure my best friend is dating people up to his standards!”

Isak rolls his eyes but it doesn’t stop the grateful smile from spreading across his face. “He’s very handsome,” he mutters eventually, punching the back of Jonas’ seat when he makes a cooing noise.

“So is that where you disappeared to last night?” Jonas asks after a moment, turning onto a new street and quickly glancing at Isak over his shoulder

Isak’s mind cycles through a million flashes of Even. Of his smile in the bathroom. Of their foreheads pressed together in the elevator. Of kisses in the pool and underwater and under the balcony and _on_ the balcony…

He bites back a smile and offers a simple, “Yeah.”

Jonas meets his gaze in the rear-view mirror and raises an eyebrow at Isak’s expression. “Wow,” he says, surprised. “Must be some guy.”

 _Yeah_.

* * *

 

Even walks to the park with the same butterflies in his stomach from last night still firmly wreaking havoc on his insides. And with every step that brings him closer to Isak, he feels his heart start to beat a little bit faster. God, just the thought of getting to _see_ Isak is making him feel dizzy.

He spots Isak waiting under one of the larger trees once he arrives at the park and smiles to himself. He looks even more beautiful in the daylight, hair pushed back off his face and a loose grey t-shirt on over pale blue jeans. Even can see him glancing around the park anxiously and he desperately wants to kiss him, to watch that wrinkle between his eyebrows smooth out and melt into a smile.

He decides to come at the tree from behind, the thought of surprising Isak far too tempting to ignore. He walks through the park in a wide arc, ensuring there’s enough distance between them that Isak won’t see him through the crowds of people. When he reaches the other side of the tree he carefully tiptoes around the trunk until he’s standing right behind Isak and taps his shoulder.

Isak jumps and whips around, huffing out a breath and rolling his eyes when he realises it’s Even. “You really need to stop doing that,” he complains but the blush on his face and the bashful smile says he doesn’t mind it too much.

“But where would the fun in that be?” Even teases and Isak rolls his eyes again. It sort of loses its effect when he looks anything but annoyed as he does it. Even is itching to kiss him but he knows it’s a bad idea.

They’re in public, for one – which is not only dangerous in case anyone recognises them but also because he knows Isak is nowhere near ready for that.

So instead, he asks, “Wanna get out of here?”

Isak startles from where his eyes had been flitting nervously around the park and Even can see the gratitude behind his gaze when he nods.

“Lead the way.”

* * *

 

Isak feels a flare of panic in his chest when Even starts leading him back towards The Empire. He’s never actually been to the hotel before but he’s quite certain he’ll be recognised there or, if not, by some miraculous feat, his father will find out somehow and disown him.

“Even,” he says when they’re about to go through what seems to be a back entrance, grabbing Even’s arm to halt him. “I really don’t think me being here is a good idea.”

Even’s blank expression morphs into a smile and he takes the hand Isak has on his arm in his own, folding their fingers together. “Relax,” he says, quietly reassuring as he tugs Isak closer to one of the fire escape doors. “There’s no security camera back here and I kinda figured hanging out in public isn’t an option.”

Isak ducks his head but nods. Being outside is a risk but he can’t see how going to Even’s dad’s hotel is any better…

“No one will see us,” Even promises. “I’ll put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door and everything and I’ll sneak you out when you need to leave.”

Isak nods again, watching Even jiggle with the handle of the door until it pops open – he’s clearly after tampering with it so he can easily get in from the outside.

“You should be careful you know, who says I’m not a spy for my dad and here you are spilling all these secrets about your hotel’s weak spots,” Isak teases, feeling his smile brighten as Even laughs.

“Guess I’m just gonna have to trust you,” Even murmurs, quickly spinning around to press their lips together.

It takes Isak by surprise and it’s over before he can think to reciprocate but it still makes him want to touch his fingers to his lips in awe.

Even leads him through the deserted halls on light feet that don’t make a sound on the soft carpet. “We can take the staff elevator,” he murmurs over his shoulder to Isak. “There’s no surveillance in that one.”

“Again with the hotel secrets!” Isak laughs and catches a brief flash of Even’s grin before he’s being pulled inside the elevator.

It’s the longest sixty seconds of his life waiting to get to the top floor. He wants to touch Even so badly – to kiss him and lean into him – but he’s not quite brave enough right now. So instead, he lets Even squeeze his hand where it’s still locked in his and tries not to blush too much at the bright smile on Even’s face.

When they finally reach Even’s floor it doesn’t take too long to get to the room considering there are only three doors in the corridor. Isak guesses they’re going to the penthouse suite.

Sure enough, the room Even opens looks more like an apartment than a suite, opening up immediately into a large living room with a door on the left that Isak seems to lead to the kitchen and a hallway that presumably leads to the bedroom.

Isak notices instantly how lived-in the place looks. There are books and clothes and DVDs strewn all over the living room and pictures on the wall that aren’t simply the designated bland paintings present in most hotel rooms. “Do you live here?”

“Yeah,” Even answers, toeing out of his shoes and kicking them against the wall by the door. Isak follows suit after a moment. “It’s closer to uni than my parents’ place so it’s just easier.”

“It’s amazing,” Isak comments, wandering around the room and taking in all the little pieces of Even that he can see.

“Thanks,” Even says, nudging their shoulders together as he passes Isak. “So it’s almost lunchtime, want some food? I promise I’m a master chef.”

“Oh really?” Isak asks sceptically, incapable of keeping the grin off his face at the scandalised expression on Even’s face.

“Excuse me! You can’t comment until you’ve tasted something I’ve made,” Even insists indignantly.

Isak rolls his eyes and his entire head with it, huffing out a laugh. “Then prove it.”

Even quirks his eyebrows, challenging smirk on his face as he holds his hand out to Isak. “Come on then.”

Isak takes his hand and tries to hide the way it sends tingles up his arm.

He thinks Even probably notices anyway.

*

Even’s kitchen is surprisingly clean but Isak thinks that’s probably down to the maid service rather than Even himself. He sits on the counter, dangling his legs over the edge as he watches Even slice cheese to put on their sandwiches.

_(“Cheese toasties? That’s how you plan to show me what an expert you are?”_

_“Shh, no smart comments until you’ve tasted them.”)_

Even is debating spices when Isak cuts in with, “You know cardamom is the only real option, right?”

Even looks up from the label of the chilli flakes he’d been reading, eyes narrowed and expression sceptical. “Is that so?”

“Uh, _yeah_ ,” Isak drawls. “It’s key to any good sandwich.”

Even raises his eyebrows again and Isak is starting to realise he does that a lot. “Fine. But I’m blaming you if it tastes like balls.”

Isak laughs, a quick burst of sound in the quiet of the room, and when he stills again he finds Even looking at him with an unbearably serene expression. Isak feels himself sober at the look, breath hitching as Even takes a step closer and brushes their lips together in a sweet kiss.

“I like your laugh,” Even mumbles against his mouth and Isak is positive he has never blushed more than he has in the past twenty-four hours.

Even steps away from him to go rooting for the cardamom and Isak is secretly glad for the space to give himself a chance to calm down – even if all he’s craving to do is draw Even back in again.

A few minutes later Even is popping the tray in the grill and spinning around to face Isak. “So while your main course cooks, can I offer you some appetizers?”

The look on Even’s face both makes him want to laugh and sets his heart thumping heavily in his chest, eyes zeroing in on Even stepping closer again.

“What are you offering?” Isak breathes – his usual ability to remain cool and charming completely deserting him when Even gently settles his hands on his knees and steps between his legs.

Even doesn’t answer him but his mouth does, lips sliding over one another and foreheads brushing, and Isak gives into the temptation to curl his arms around Even’s neck after only a moment’s hesitation. He melts with the kiss and he knows it, body sagging into Even’s with a tiny sigh as their mouths break apart for the briefest instant.

Isak has never kissed a boy before Even. He’s kissed girls – more than he would like – and he obviously expected it to feel different with a boy, with someone he actually _likes_.

But he never expected to feel this.

He’s not sure there are any words that exist to describe what he feels now. The simultaneous slowing down and speeding up of his heart with every soft press of lips. The fluttering feeling in his stomach, offset by the unbearable warmth growing inside his chest and spreading throughout his entire body. The tingling feeling that he gets from the tips of his fingers to the tips of his toes that’s strong enough to make him break out in goosebumps all over his body.

He doesn’t think there are any words for it.

He thinks it’s just Even.

About fifteen minutes later the smoke pouring from the grill eventually alerts them that their cheese toasties are probably done.

* * *

 

Even orders them burgers from room service after deeming the cheese toasties unsalvageable. Isak laughs and tries to say Even just kissed him so they’d burn on purpose and he wouldn’t have to taste his shitty cooking.

“You just wait!” Even exclaims. “When I cook you breakfast it’s gonna blow your mind. My eggs are a masterpiece.”

Isak is quiet and it takes Even a moment to realise he may have just made things incredibly awkward by accidentally suggesting Isak spend the night but then Isak’s expression breaks into a smile, quiet and bashful, as he says, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

And, yeah. Alright.

They’re eating on the living room floor and Even feels something in his chest loosen at how settled this all feels. This time yesterday, he didn’t even know what Isak _looked like_. Now, he’s having trouble imagining a world without him in it. He knows they’re moving too fast and the world outside their bubble is definitely not as forgiving as they’re both quietly pretending it is but he can’t find it in himself to stop this either.

If he’s going to lose anyway he might as well let himself get lost in this.

“Tell me something,” Even requests once they’ve finished their burgers, leaning back against the couch behind him and feeling the corners of his mouth tug up in a smile as his gaze settles on Isak. “Something no one else knows.”

“I’m an amazing rapper,” Isak says seriously and Even bursts out laughing.

“Magnus already told me that,” he replies when he’s calmed down. “Try again.”

“You know you still haven’t told me how you know each other,” Isak points out.

“I haven’t told you a lot of things yet,” Even acknowledges, “Tell me something first and then you can ask me whatever you want.”

Isak looks like he tries to hold his smile in but he isn’t very successful. He seems to ponder for a moment what to say before he eventually settles on, “I want to study biological science in university.”

Even feels his eyebrows shoot up in surprise – that certainly hadn’t been what he’d expected Isak to say. “Really? How come no one else knows that? Isn’t that a conversation you should be having around now? You’re gonna be a third year in September, right?”

The cautious smile Isak had been wearing immediately falls and he looks down at his lap. “My dad wants me to study business,” he mutters with a half-hearted shrug. “So…that’s what I’m doing.”

Even nods in understanding, feeling a pang of sympathy for Isak. “My dad wanted me to do the same,” he offers in the hopes it’ll show Isak that he gets it.

Isak looks up, “Is that what you’re studying now?” And he almost sounds hopeful, like it’s something they could be miserable in together.

“Nah, I’m studying to become a director,” Even tells him, feeling a little thrill run down his spine at the spark of interest in Isak’s expression.

“How did you win that argument?” It’s teasing but Even is pretty sure Isak is looking for actual advice.

“I didn’t,” Even admits with a laugh. “I applied for film and media studies and never told my parents. By the time they found out I’d already been in the course for two weeks.”

Isak lets out a startled laugh, shaking his head. “Maybe I should do that.”

“It was kinda bad in the beginning,” Even explains, wincing at the memory. “But my mom managed to talk my dad around. Told him some bullshit about how the greatest way to learn is through experience which I get from working with him. I think they’re both under the impression they’re letting me entertain some silly hobby before I start working for my dad in three years.”

“It’s not silly,” Isak says quietly and Even’s not sure which one of them they’re talking about anymore.

Still, he agrees. “No, it’s not,” he replies softly. “Why do you like biology so much?”

Isak shrugs again, distinctively more shy this time. “I like science in general but biology is my subject. I like…” He pauses a second to gather his thoughts, fingers playing with the seam of his jeans. “I like knowing that there’s a reason for everything. There’s a reason why the world works the way it does, y’know? I like that everything has a logical explanation.”

Even nods but can’t help prodding a little. “What about the things that can’t be explained?”

A tiny wrinkle appears between Isak’s eyebrows and Even wants to kiss it away. “Like what?”

He shrugs, subtly shuffling the tiniest bit closer. “Emotion.”

Isak’s face scrunches up in confusion. “What d’you mean? There are tons of studies about that. It’s just chemicals in your brain.”

Even doesn’t think there’s a single fucking chemical in the world that could adequately explain the way Isak makes him feel.

“Nah,” he murmurs, and Isak seems to have finally realised Even has been quietly closing the distance between them for the last minute or two. He stares down at where their knees are touching, head only lifting again when Even continues.

“I like leaving some things up to interpretation.”

Isak considers that for a moment and Even is aching to lean in to capture his lips in a kiss. He almost does but then-

“Of course you’d say that. You’re a director – that’s how you explain plot holes in your films.”

Even reels back in surprise, letting out a startled laugh. Isak is laughing too when his gaze lands on him again, cheeks pink and head ducked like he’s trying to conceal it.

Even reaches his hand up and slides his fingers into Isak’s hair, revelling in the softness of it. Isak stills at the touch, blinking owlishly at Even, mouth parted slightly.

“You really need to stop insulting all my talents before I’ve proven them to you,” Even murmurs, leaning forward and pressing his smile into Isak’s mouth.

Isak kisses him back and the little upturn of his lips that makes their kiss fall slightly off-centre is enough to make Even feel like he’s going to burst.

“Do I need to remind you that you burnt our toast?” Isak breathes against his lips when they part for air.

“That was your fault,” Even insists, words muffled once again by Isak’s mouth.

“Mhm.” Isak’s grin is wide enough now that it actually breaks the kiss but Even can’t even feel put out about it. Not when he has Isak so close and smiling.

“You distracted me,” Even mumbles and Isak nods, nudging their noses together and biting his lip to hide his smirk.

Even pulls back just enough that he can look at Isak’s face without going cross-eyed and raises an eyebrow, thumb touching Isak’s bottom lip. “Wanna distract me a little more?” 

Isak’s answer is in his kiss.

* * *

 

Isak isn’t sure how much time has passed but he knows he and Even have been talking for a long time. (They’ve possibly been kissing for even longer.) At some point Even had grabbed his duvet from the bedroom and dumped it unceremoniously on the floor, insisting the carpet wasn’t comfortable enough.

They’re lying on it now, with Isak using Even’s bicep as a pillow and Even’s arm crooked so he can twirl his fingers through Isak’s hair, and Isak doesn’t think he’s ever felt quite as content as he does right now.

Even is warm and comfortable and Isak can’t help but revel in the way they seem to perfectly fit together, limbs slotting into place like they were made for this.

“What time is it?” Isak asks when he feels his eyelids starting to droop. He curls closer to Even, rolling onto his side so he can tuck himself against Even’s body more comfortably.

He can hear Even patting the ground while he searches for his phone before he eventually mutters, “18:30.”

Five and a half hours.

They’ve been together five and a half hours and Isak doesn’t know how the time slipped through their fingers so quickly. “Doesn’t feel like it,” he mumbles, words getting lost in the fabric of Even’s t-shirt.

“Doesn’t feel like I only met you eighteen hours ago either,” Even comments, fingers running a path up and down Isak’s arm and leaving a flare of warmth in their wake.

“Maybe we’ve met each other before,” Isak suggests, blinking his eyes open properly when he feels Even roll his head to the side to look at him.

Even gives the tiniest confused shake of his head. “You know we haven’t. I would’ve remembered you.”

“Maybe not here,” Isak allows. “But like, in a parallel universe.”

Even doesn’t answer at first but something in his expression softens and Isak feels his heart thump a little heavier in response. “You think so?” Even murmurs. His fingers are drawing circles on Isak’s cheek now and Isak feels his eyelids flutter at the tenderness of the touch.

“Yeah,” Isak answers quietly. He’d always liked the thought of parallel universes; inexplicably, they’d made him feel less lonely. Now, he thinks of all the different times and ways he and Even might have met and he smiles.

“I still think I would’ve remembered you,” Even says then.

“Even if the only time we met was in another universe?”

Even smiles down at him, “Mhm.”

Isak leans up on his elbow to hover over him, pausing for a moment to just _look_ at Even. He’s so beautiful – from his bright blue eyes to his chapped lips – Isak doesn’t think the thrill he feels when he looks at him could ever go away.

“You must have a really bad memory then,” Isak smirks, letting out a quiet laugh right before Even drags him down to kiss him.

It’s a soft kiss. So soft, Isak is convinced they’re going to melt into each other if they don’t let go soon.

“You really believe all that?” Even asks when they break apart. “Parallel universes?”

“Yeah,” Isak whispers. “I like the inevitability of it.”

Even raises his eyebrows in silent question so he continues. “That no matter what happens in this universe, there’s another version of us somewhere else.”

Even is silent for a moment before his arm wraps around Isak’s shoulders and he pulls him down again. Isak cuddles into him, resting his head over Even’s heart this time and letting his breathing match the steady thump.

“Don’t give up on this version of us just yet.”

Isak’s breath catches in his throat.

He doesn’t want to. He desperately wants to believe he gets to have this because all today has proved is that he absolutely wants it. But the niggling thought is still there in the back of his head. The thought of his father’s reaction not only to the fact that he likes boys, but to the fact that the boy he likes is someone he’s been predestined to hate since before he was born. Isak knows what goes on behind closed doors in his house; he knows how bloody the feud between Even’s father and his own can get.

This is _dangerous_ , no matter how safe he feels here in Even’s arms.

Still, when Even asks him later, “So have you decided? Am I going to be adding today to the memories I look on fondly when I’m feeling nostalgic and never see you again?” Isak kisses him. He kisses him and he whispers, “I’m going to see you again,” into the space where Even’s mouth meets his.

He really hopes Even is right.

* * *

 

Isak’s phone vibrates for the fourth time in twenty minutes when Even pauses the movie they’d been watching.

Isak is cuddled into his side, phone on the coffee table and being pointedly ignored. “Why’d you pause it?” he asks, words muffled by the fabric of Even’s hoodie.

“Are you gonna answer that?” Even asks instead of answering him.

Isak sighs and briefly buries his face deeper into Even’s shoulder before mumbling, “It’s just my dad.”

It’s not the first time in the last week Isak has alluded to having issues with his father. Even can’t really say he’s surprised. If even half of what his own dad says about Valtersen is true then he’s not a very good man.

“What’s the story there?” Even asks gently, prodding but willing to accept a rebuff if Isak doesn’t want to talk.

Isak blows out a breath, head shifting on Even’s shoulder and fingers reaching out to play with the strings of Even’s hoodie. It’s a nervous habit, Even has noticed, Isak always looks at his hands or starts fiddling with something when he doesn’t want to look him in the eye.

“He doesn’t care about me,” Isak says finally. “Or my mom.”

Even frowns. “Why do you say that?”

“Because he only wants to talk to me if there’s something he needs my help with,” Isak elaborates, voice bitter. “Like Emma, for example. He just wants me to seduce her so he can close his deal with Larzen.”

Even grimaces. He had guessed Isak hadn’t been dancing with the girl at the party – Emma, he supposes – out of his own free will.

“And like, he and my mom fight so fucking much and she’s-“ Isak cuts himself off, heaving a frustrated breath. “She’s not _well_ and he doesn’t even care. Every time she starts freaking out he just fucks off on some business trip and comes back a few days later when she’s calmed down.”

Even’s blood runs cold at the mention of Isak’s mother. The hand that had previously been drawing circles on Isak’s arm pauses and he feels his entire body still.

“Not well, how?” he asks slowly.

Isak shrugs against him. “I don’t know. She like- she gets all these delusions like she’s convinced the world is gonna end or something. She’s obsessed with religion too; I wake up to bible verses in my texts almost every morning. Sometimes when she looks at me it feels like she doesn’t even recognise me.”

Isak trails off and Even’s throat feels like it’s collapsing in on itself. He hasn’t told Isak he’s bipolar; he hasn’t known how to bring it up.

He knows it’s nothing to be ashamed of – enough therapists have told him so over the last four years – but he can’t help the niggling thought in the back of his mind that tells him Isak wouldn’t want him if he knew the truth. _He has to deal with enough from his mother, why would he want to deal with **you?**_

He swallows down to sour taste in his mouth and moves his hand to card through Isak’s hair instead. Quietly, he asks, “Is she getting help?”

“No,” Isak scoffs. “She won’t go on her own and Pappa refuses to even acknowledge there’s a problem.”

“I’m sorry,” Even says and he’s not sure if he’s apologising for Isak’s parents.

“Not your fault,” Isak mutters. “My dad only cares about his hotel, he doesn’t give a shit about me. So I don’t really feel like answering my phone right now.”

Even nods, turning his head to press his lips to Isak’s forehead. “Want to watch the rest of the movie?”

Isak nods and Even presses play.

If he holds Isak a little bit tighter until he has to go home, well, no one has to know.

*

Over the next ten days they see each other every day. The fact that it’s summer helps them in the sense that they don’t have school taking up all their time but it also means trying to meet up during the day is almost impossible. There are too many people around for them to hang out in public and spending all day in one another’s rooms is not a habit they want anyone else to pick up on. If someone in the hotel started to notice Even was spending all his time holed up in his room, seemingly alone, he knows how hard his parents would come down on him. They’d think he was depressed and he wouldn’t get a moment alone for at least a week until he could prove otherwise.

So they meet up at night. And share stolen kisses in the secret of one another’s bedrooms, exploring each other’s hearts and minds with timid questions and tender touches. Isak sneaks out of his room and Jonas drops him off as close to the hotel as either of them are willing to risk – he’d told Even that Jonas knew there was a boy but that he didn’t know who that boy _was_. Which is probably for the best.

Even has also snuck into Isak’s room once but it’s infinitely more dangerous with Isak’s parents in the house and Valtersen’s minions always lurking close by.

On this particular night Even _is_ coming to Isak’s house – mostly because Eskild is starting to get suspicious about how often Isak has been leaving the house since his birthday. So Isak is hoping a night at home might quell his curiosity and buy them a few days.

Even feels a sense of déjà vu as he climbs the same tree he’d climbed over a week ago to sneak into the Valtersens’ back garden. The last time he’d done it with the hope of Isak maybe feeling the same sense of infatuation Even had been hit with when they’d bumped into each other in the bathroom.

Now he does it with the phantom taste of Isak still on his lips.

He scales the trellis again when he’s sure there’s no one else around and manages to pull himself onto Isak’s balcony with somewhat less difficulty than he did the first night. Pressing himself against the wall, he listens for a moment to see if he can pick up any voices in Isak’s room. When he hears nothing but silence he taps on the glass of the balcony door.

He hears the latch click a moment later and pushes himself off the wall just in time for Isak to open the door and drag him inside.

“Halla,” he grins, hands fitting to Isak’s waist as he walks him backwards through the room.

“Halla,” Isak greets, wearing that awed, disbelieving smile on his face like it still hasn’t sunk in for him that this is real and Even just _has_ to kiss him.

Isak’s fingers dig into his shoulders as Even seals their lips together, still walking them through the room until the backs of Isak’s legs hit the bed and he sinks down onto the mattress, pulling Even with him.

“Miss me?” Even asks, pressing the words into Isak’s jaw and punctuating it with a soft kiss.

Isak releases a harsh breath as his hands move to fist in Even’s hair. “Not even a little bit,” he lies, words trailing off into a giggling laugh when Even begins kissing all over his face.

“Are you sure?” Even asks between kisses, managing to land one on Isak’s eyebrow that gets him a particularly indignant laugh. “Not even a little bit? I’m wounded, Isak.”

Isak scoffs but doesn’t offer any other response. That is, until Even sits up and tries to lean away.

“Well I mean, if you didn’t miss me I guess I’ll go-“

Isak cuts him off by pushing himself up and latching onto the back of Even’s neck. “ _No_ ,” he complains, pressing their foreheads together in an attempt to chase Even’s lips. “Kiss me.”

Even smirks, evading Isak’s efforts to slot their lips together until the other boy makes a frustrated noise and uses both his hands to cup Even’s face and forcibly keep him still.

“You’re so annoying,” Isak mutters, exasperated tone instantly melting into a contented sigh when Even finally closes the distance between them.

They fall down onto the mattress again, Even’s hands travelling under Isak’s t-shirt to splay across the warm skin of his torso while Isak’s hands return to their earlier position in Even’s hair.

Getting to touch and explore is still new. No matter how many times they’ve kissed in the past two weeks, they’re still learning, still reverently uncovering new places to kiss and caress.

Even is blaming this as the reason neither of them hear the door opening until it’s too late.

“Isak, have you-“

Isak pushes him away so quickly it’s all Even can do to keep his balance as he rolls off to the side and sits up, coming face to face with Eskild.

Eskild had cut himself off when he’d seen them; his expression is frozen as he stares blankly at them while Isak hastens to sit up properly.

“Eskild,” Isak says and the way his voice cracks sends a deep splinter through Even’s heart. “Eskild, please don’t tell. _Please_.”

The pleading note to his voice is painful to listen to and Even can see the tears gathering in his eyes and- _fuck_. He wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around Isak, to pull him close and shield him from the world.

The pain in Isak’s expression seems to be enough to shake Eskild back into action though. He swiftly closes the door behind him and takes one step further into the room.

He looks at Isak with a wary expression before his gaze travels to Even. They stare at each other for an indeterminable length of time and Even holds his breath. He knows how important Eskild is to Isak; he knows Isak regards him like an older brother even though he won’t admit it. He knows how important it is for them to keep Eskild on side, not only for them to keep their secret, but also because he knows how much it would absolutely _crush_ Isak if Eskild betrayed his trust.

But then Eskild’s gaze if shifting back to Isak and he softens slightly. “Keep your door locked. I’ll make sure I’m the one to come wake you in the morning.”

Isak nods fervently, uttering a shocked, “ _Thank you_.”

Eskild smiles slightly before looking to Even, “Make sure you’re gone before sunrise for both your sakes.”

Even nods solemnly and averts his eyes from the look Eskild and Isak share.

A moment later Eskild is excusing himself and Isak is getting up from the bed to lock the bedroom door after him.

He turns around then, leaning back against the door with a shuddering breath and closing his eyes. Even doesn’t hesitate this time; he climbs off the bed and crosses the distance between them until they’re toe to toe.

Isak wearily opens his eyes when Even brushes his hair back off his forehead and offers him a small smile. Isak feebly attempts to smile back but it falls flat, lip trembling and eyes glassy.

Even sighs and mumbles a quiet, “come here,” before folding Isak into his arms.

Isak clings to him, fingers digging into his shoulder blades and hitching breaths exhaling against Even’s throat. Even keeps one hand splayed over the centre of his back and the other in his hair, murmuring gentle, “It’s okay”s into Isak’s temple.

He manages to coax him back towards the bed eventually and gets them lying down. On their sides, rolled towards one another, with Even’s thumb skimming over Isak’s cheek and Isak’s weary blinks making time slow down.

“I know he understands,” Isak mutters eventually, voice hoarse from disuse and the tears he’d managed to swallow down. “Like, if anyone would understand it’d be Eskild I just-“

“There’s a difference between knowing someone will understand and them actually knowing,” Even fills in for him and Isak nods, tucking himself that little bit closer to Even.

“I want this,” Isak whispers into the crevice of space between their bodies. “It scares me how much I want this because it’s happening so fast but I-“

He trails off and Even watches the way his gaze stays steadfast on the hollow of Even’s throat, like he might find his answer somewhere on Even’s skin.

Even decides to answer him instead. He ducks his head forward, brushing foreheads and noses, and fits his palm to Isak’s jaw. Isak’s eyes look into his and they’re scared but they’re determined too.

“I’ve never felt anything quite like this before,” Even murmurs. “Ever.”

Isak’s fingers twist in his t-shirt and he whispers, “Neither have I.”

Even’s expression melts into something soft around the edges and he nudges their noses together once more before letting their lips brush.

“This isn’t how I expected tonight to go,” Isak mutters when they break apart and Even lets out a half laugh.

“It’s okay,” he promises, pulling Isak in and tucking his head under his chin, “I like this too.”

Isak snuggles into him, letting out a contented hum when Even pulls the blanket up over them both.

“Wake me up before you go,” Isak requests quietly, pressing a kiss to Even’s throat.

Even rubs his back and kisses Isak’s hair. “Promise.” 

* * *

 

Even kisses him before he leaves in the morning and there’s enough emotion in it to make the earth feel like it’s going to shatter beneath them.

Isak watches him climb over the balcony in the pale light of the rising sun and doesn’t look away until Even is safely over the wall and out of sight. He lies back down on his bed with a sigh, allowing the faint warmth from Even’s body to seep into him. He has an hour to himself before Eskild gently knocks on the door, unlocking it a moment later when Isak doesn’t protest.

“God morgen,” Eskild says quietly. Isak feels tears well up in his eyes and his throat tighten as soon as he hears the words.

Eskild must notice because a moment later he’s uttering, “ _Isak_ ,” and climbing onto the bed. His hand reaches out to squeeze Isak’s shoulder and Isak feels the breath being punched out of him. He rubs at his eyes, blinking back the traitorous tears that have managed to fall.

“I’m sorry I found out that way,” Eskild murmurs. “I know you probably wanted to tell me on your own terms.”

Isak shrugs, fiddling with a loose thread on his duvet cover. “Aren’t you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“He’s a Bech Næsheim,” Isak mutters, words lodged in his throat.

Eskild sighs and squeezes his shoulder again. “What’s going on between you two?”

Isak meets his gaze and swallows around the lump in his throat. “I really like him,” he whispers tremulously.

“That’s- that’s really amazing, Isak,” Eskild says, taking him completely by surprise. “I’m happy for you.”

Isak frowns, not quite daring to believe it. “Really?”

Eskild nods before hesitating. “But- are you sure you can trust him?”

He doesn’t expect the flare of hurt to sting quite as badly as it does. “ _Eskild!_ ”

“I’m just- I’m just trying to protect you, Isak,” Eskild insists, holding his hands up in surrender. “I don’t want him to hurt you.”

“He _won’t_ ,” Isak says fiercely. He might not know what the fuck he’s doing but he knows that much.

“Okay,” Eskild accepts, placating. “I believe you. But you know how dangerous this is.”

Isak avoids his eyes again, “I know,” he mumbles.

They’re both silent for a while and Isak takes the time to steady his breathing and dry his eyes. When he looks over at Eskild he finds him already looking down at him.

“I’ll help you,” Eskild promises and he sounds so sincere Isak feels a little speechless. “We’ll figure it out.”

Isak doesn’t know what he’d do without him.

*

Sneaking around becomes infinitely easier with Eskild on their side.

He makes sure the garden is clear so Even can sneak in and covers for Isak on the nights he goes to Even’s. It doesn’t take him long to warm up to Even either. One conversation and Even has him charmed just like Isak knew he would.

Another blissful week passes by and Isak keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop – for them to be found out, or for the somersaults in his stomach to finally stop but they never do.

They’re at The Empire tonight, lying in Even’s bed when Even suddenly asks him. “Can I show you something?”

Isak rolls his head to the side, finding Even staring up at the ceiling rather than looking at him. “Okay.”

Even doesn’t look at him but Isak can see the grin that stretches across his face. A moment later he clambers out of bed in search of his shoes before holding a hand out to Isak.

“You didn’t say showing me something meant getting up,” Isak complains, trying desperately to stifle his smile when Even rolls his eyes at him. Even hauls him out of bed and Isak trips over his feet with the force of it, bumping into Even’s chest until steadying hands settle on his waist.

“Hi,” Even beams, leaning in and kissing him slow and sweet before pulling Isak towards the door. “Find your shoes, baby.”

Isak almost trips for an entirely different reason when he hears the term of endearment but he allows Even to pull him towards the front door in a daze where he’d kicked off his shoes earlier.

“Wait,” Even says suddenly, stopping Isak from moving towards the door. “It might be cold.” He reaches around Isak to grab one of the hoodies hung up on a hook on the wall and hands it to Isak with a smile.

While Even is busy checking the hallway is clear Isak tucks his nose beneath the collar and inhales the unmistakable, comforting scent of the boy in front of him

(His expression is composed when Even turns back around but thinks Even might’ve noticed anyway.)

Even leads him down the hallway by the hand before coming to a stop and holding open the door that leads to the fire escape.

Isak raises his eyebrows but walks through the door without comment.

Instead of going down, however, they climb the stairs until they arrive at a door that Isak assumes opens onto the roof. Even shoves it open without much difficulty, pushing a cinderblock against it with his foot to keep it open. It’s windy up there and absolutely freezing since it’s two in the morning but Isak just uses it as an excuse to huddle closer to Even.

“Any particular reason we’re up here?” he asks when Even drapes an arm over his shoulder and guides him towards the wall that surrounds the roof.

“I come up here to draw,” Even tells him. “Or when I can’t sleep. It can offer pretty good inspiration when I’m stuck.”

Isak follows Even’s gaze and he has to admit it’s quite a sight. The Empire is in the heart of the city and up this high you can see lights for miles. It’s undeniably beautiful and Isak can understand why something like this could be inspiring.

“It’s nice up here,” Isak agrees, mouth curving up in a smile at the peaceful look on Even’s face as he stares out over the skyline.

“I like the way it’s kind of quiet _and_ loud, you know?” Even says. “Like all the lights make it seem so busy but up here you can’t really hear anything.”

Isak shouldn’t be surprised anymore when Even says things like this but he still can’t help being taken aback. There are so many more layers to Even than his charming, funny exterior and Isak feels a thrill run up his spine every time he gets to uncover another one.

Isak smiles and bumps their shoulders together, looking up at the sky. He can make out a few stars, twinkling in and out of focus, but they’re hard to see with all the lights.

Even must follow his gaze because a moment later he’s asking, “Do you know any constellations?”

“Some,” Isak shrugs, slanting a glance at Even and feeling himself flush at the look on his face.

“Which one do you think holds that parallel universe you were talking about?” Even asks with a wry smile, nudging their shoulders together again.

“There’s not just one universe,” Isak huffs. “There’re infinite ones.”

Even lets out a little hum in consideration, catching Isak’s eye and grinning. “So there are infinite Isak-and-Evens stargazing on top of a hotel building right now?”

“I don’t know what they’re doing,” Isak mutters, steeling himself to meet Even’s gaze before be continues. “But I know they’re together.”

Even’s expression is impossibly soft as he pulls him in, arm curling around his waist and lips pressing to the side of Isak’s temple. “That sounds nice,” he murmurs.

“You know what also sounds nice?” Isak asks. “Your bed.”

Even laughs and squeezes him close. “Alright _fine_ , drama queen. We can go back inside.”

Isak lets Even walk them back towards the door but he stops them just before they go inside.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Thank you for showing me this.” Because he knows this was a big deal to Even even if he doesn’t want admit it.

Even smiles like he understands what Isak’s not saying and nods. “Thanks for sharing it with me.”

* * *

 

Even wakes up to the pale light of the morning sun filtering in through the crack in his curtains. He wakes up to Isak, lying on his stomach, half a foot away from him on the mattress with the right side of his face squished into the pillow as he sleeps.

He takes a moment to revel in the quiet, to listen to the steadiness of Isak’s breathing and watch the shadows that play out across his face, lax with sleep.

He thinks he manages to wait about five minutes before he feels the need to reach out.  His right hand slides across the space between them and then, ever so gently, he skims his index finger down the slope of Isak’s nose.

Once, twice, three times. And Isak is finally scrunching his nose up, brow furrowing in confusion and eyes still closed.

Even bites his lip to hold in his laugh and does it a fourth time. Isak cracks an eye open and Even has never been on the receiving end of a more adorable glare.

“God morgen,” he whispers, and he thinks even without any inflection in his voice you can still hear his adoration for Isak clear as day.

“Jeg _sover_ ,” Isak complains, somewhere between a whine and a groan, as he buries his face deeper in the pillow.

Even makes a sympathetic noise, reaching his hand out and tugging on Isak’s shoulder in an attempt to pull him closer. “I’m sorry, baby,” he soothes, not even trying to keep the teasing tone out of his voice when Isak opens his eyes again to catch his grin.

Isak rolls his eyes but shuffles closer, tucking himself into Even’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Even repeats with a laugh, rubbing a hand up and down Isak’s back and feeling the corners of his mouth quirk up in a smile at the contented hum Isak breathes into his neck.

A moment later, Isak mumbles, “What time is it?” against the skin of his throat.

It sends a shiver down Even’s spine and he rolls them over, effectively squashing Isak, to reach for his phone on the nightstand and check. Isak groans and complains some more at being squished into the mattress but he doesn’t seem to have noticed the way Even is having trouble breathing at how closely they’re pressed together so Even’s not all that concerned.

“10:15,” he answers when he’s lying on his side once again, Isak still snuggled firmly against him.

“I should probably go home,” Isak sighs but he contradicts himself with the way he clings to Even a little tighter.

“Fifteen more minutes,” Even requests, not quite ready to part ways just yet either.

He feels Isak nod against his shoulder and closes his own eyes, touching Isak wherever he can reach. There’s nothing sexual about it, it’s just- a need to be closer, a need to _feel_ him and Even has never experienced this kind of craving with another person before.

But nothing about Isak is like anything he’s experienced before.

It’s been three weeks and Even is hard pressed to describe the feeling in his chest as anything other than love.

He knows it’s probably too soon. But nothing else makes _sense_.

Isak. Isak is the only thing that makes sense.

* * *

 

Isak is barely in the door when Elias appears and beckons him towards his father’s office. He feels panic seize in his chest, convinced he’s been caught. Someone must’ve seen him sneak out. Someone must’ve caught him at The Empire. Someone must’ve _seen them_ -

The door to his father’s office closing behind him feels like a death sentence.

He swallows down the awful feeling in his throat as he takes a seat and his father looks up from his paperwork to spare him a glance.

“Isak,” he says and Isak has never really liked the way his name sounds on his father’s lips. “Where were you last night?”

“I stayed at Mahdi’s,” Isak answers instantly. _Too quick_ , he chides himself. _Relax or he’ll get suspicious_.

“Mm,” his father hums like he doesn’t quite believe him. “Have you seen Emma lately?”

And that- that throws Isak for a loop. He’s barely thought of Emma since the night of the party. He’d completely forgotten about her in all honesty – too wrapped up in Even.

He flinches as he answers. “Not since my birthday, no.”

His father’s expression says this is exactly what he’d expected.

“Isak, I thought I made it clear to you how important my deal with Larzen was,” his father says with that imperious gaze that always makes Isak shrink in on himself.

“You did,” he mumbles, averting his gaze and staring down at his hands.

“I’m not sure I did,” his father continues and Isak just about manages to keep his expression neutral. “Nevertheless, I’ve arranged another meeting for the two of you. Larzen is not happy with the thought of you leading his daughter on, Isak. And that won’t reflect well on me.”

“Okay,” Isak whispers, eyes drifting shut in defeat.

“Isak, look at me.”

He looks up, meets his father’s stern gaze and tries not to wilt under it.

“Do _not_ disappoint me.”

 _Too late_ , he thinks.

*

His mother is waiting for him when he leaves his father’s office, wringing her hands and flitting her gaze nervously around the hallway.

“Mamma?” Isak asks cautiously.

Her eyes snap back to him and she smiles. “Come for a drive with me?” she asks.

Isak swallows and looks away. He feels guilty for neglecting her for the past couple of weeks but sometimes being around her is just too overwhelming. Especially when his dad is doing _nothing_ to help her. He offers her a weak smile and his arm. “I’ll ask Jonas to bring the car around.”

She takes his arm with a quietly pleased expression and Isak fishes his phone out of his pocket with his free hand.

It isn’t until they’re in the car and Jonas asks where they’re going that his mother finally answers. “Sagene church.”

Isak’s stomach twists at the words and he meets Jonas’ measured gaze in the rear-view mirror. His mother’s fierce relationship with religion has always disconcerted him somewhat. While she’s never expressed any explicitly prejudiced views about homosexuality he can’t imagine her being very accepting. If he’s learned anything in the past few years it’s that she follows the bible’s teaching with a stringent rigidness that doesn’t leave much room for interpretation.

He knows there are plenty of gay people that are religious and believe in God, he just hasn’t quite learned to reconcile that within himself yet. When he’d realised he liked boys he didn’t plan to stop believing, he just didn’t know what to believe anymore.

He still doesn’t know.

He still doesn’t feel comfortable with religion or churches or his mother’s preaching. He doesn’t know how to believe in a religion that so many people use as an excuse to call him a sinner and condemn him to hell. He doesn’t know how to believe when he can hardly remember how to believe in himself anymore, when his acceptance of himself is still on such shaky ground.

Jonas finally pulls up to the church a few minutes later and Isak’s limbs feel stiff; his mother has to shake his shoulder to get him to move into action.

He’s never liked how quiet churches are. He knows for a lot of people they take comfort in that, in the silence. To him, it’s always felt imposing. Like _he’s_ imposing, like everyone who glances his way is silently thinking he doesn’t deserve to be here.

He follows his mother to a pew with his head down.

She doesn’t kneel which surprises him; instead she remains in her seat and simply bows her head, pressing her hands together. Isak watches her lips move as she whispers a silent prayer unsure of whether or not to mimic her.

Before he can make a decision his mother is lifting her head and looking at him.

“You must remember God always has a plan for us, Isak,” she tells him lowly.

Isak freezes for the length of a heartbeat before she’s returning to her prayers.

For a second, the look in her eyes had almost seemed like understanding.

* * *

 

“Dude, _when_ am I gonna meet this new boy of yours?” Magnus complains as they lounge in Even’s living room. “I’ve hardly seen you the last three weeks because of him.”

Even suppresses a sigh. He wants to tell Magnus but he knows he can’t. Not without Isak being on board with it too. “Not yet, Mags,” he replies. “He’s not out yet and it’s not my place to force him into it.”

“But it’s just me!” Magnus insists. “I don’t even know the guy!  I’m not gonna judge him or anything.”

“I know that,” Even answers patiently. Really, he thinks if Magnus and Isak _didn’t_ know each other this would probably be a lot easier. “It’s complicated. Just give us a little bit more time.”

Magnus lets out a long-suffering sigh and Even fights a smile. “You won’t even tell me his name!”

Even huffs a laugh. “Because you’d immediately start Facebook stalking him if I did!” _Because if I told you his name about five different secrets would come undone._

“Whatever. You don’t wanna confide in your best friend. It’s cool, I get it.”

Even rolls his eyes, “You _know_ that’s not it. Let me talk to him, alright? If he agrees, I’ll introduce you two.”

That seems to appease Magnus and he finally breaks into a beaming smile. “Yeah, okay. That’s chill.”

Now it’s just a matter of convincing Isak.

* * *

 

Emma looks the same in the light of day. Same short brown hair, same bright smile, same complete nothingness in Isak’s stomach when he looks at her.

They’re at a café in Løkka and they’re alone but Isak wouldn’t be surprised if he bumped into Chris or William at some point in the next hour.

Emma is trying desperately to engage him in a conversation and Isak is trying to pay attention to her – if not to be polite, then to at least avoid his father’s wrath – but it’s impossible. She’s fine; there’s nothing wrong with her. But all Isak can think about is his phone burning a hole in his pocket and his last text to Even that has so far been left unanswered.

“ _I can’t see you today. Pappa is making me meet with Emma :( Can you come over tonight? <3_”

He tries in vain to contribute to the conversation and so far he thinks he’s doing okay. He’s making vague humming noises every so often to make it sound like he’s listening and every time she seems like she’s slowing down he asks her another question to get her talking again.

After they’ve been there for about an hour Isak’s phone finally buzzes and he startles so hard he almost falls out of his chair. He completely blocks out whatever Emma is saying in his rush to get his phone out of his pocket, fingers shaking as he unlocks the screen.

“ _I’ll be there at 22:00 <3_”

Isak feels his shoulders cave in with relief as he sinks back into his chair, smiling to himself as he sends Even back a heart.

It’s only when Emma clears her throat that Isak looks up. “Sorry!” he apologises quickly. “Sorry, I’d just been waiting on some good news and I finally got an answer so. Sorry, continue. I’m listening.”

“Anything interesting?” Emma asks instead, looking down at his phone.

“Wh- Nah. Nei. It’s just uh- silly business stuff,” Isak waves a hand. “Sorry for interrupting you. What were you saying about your friend Lea?”

That seems to be enough to get her back on track and Isak lets her go off on another tangent, smiling politely as she speaks. But truthfully, his mind is a million miles away.

Or about few kilometres away really, in his bed, under his soft sheets, with Even’s arms around him.

 _Tonight_.

* * *

 

Even is walking the final fifteen minutes to Isak’s house like he always does.

The streets are deserted like they always are except- Even has the distinct feeling that he’s being followed.

He always feels a little paranoid when sneaking into Isak’s; it’s to be expected given how careful they have to be. But tonight, he’s got a strange feeling in his gut and the foreboding sense that there’s a shadow on the street that isn’t his own.

It’s when he’s rounding the corner, one street over from Isak’s, that he’s finally sure.

He turns, just in time, to receive a blow to the side of the head.

He falls with it, smacking his hands on the gravel of the pavement in an attempt to break his fall, and lifts his head with a shaking breath to see Elias standing over him.

“You must be confused, Bech Næsheim,” he says, the words sounding too innocent in his mouth. “This isn’t your territory.”

“It’s none of your fucking business what I’m doing here,” Even spits, pushing himself to stand up again. He’s taller but Elias is broader.

Elias laughs and it’s a sinister sound. “You see, I think I do. Because this isn’t the first night you’ve been seen skulking around Valtersen’s side of town. I don’t know what you’re up to but it ends tonight.”

Even raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. “What are you going to do?”

He expects the punch this time and manages to dodge it, just barely.

Elias doesn’t stop though. He tackles Even once he regains his footing, knocking them both to the concrete and Even has just enough time to throw his arms up to save his head from banging off the ground. He tries to roll them over, to get out, but Elias is too heavy and his weight is bearing down on Even, keeping him paralysed.

Elias leans up with one hand fisted in the front of Even’s hoodie, other arm pulled back and punch aimed straight for Even’s face. He whips his head to the side at the last second and Elias ends up punching the ground instead, letting out a pained yelp and loosening his grip slightly on Even’s hoodie. It’s just enough that Even can buck him off and pull himself into a standing position.

He’s barely upright when Elias is swinging for him with his other fist. It connects with Even’s jaw and sends him reeling backwards. He stumbles a few steps but he manages to stay on his feet, arms going up to shield himself when Elias dives for him again.

Even doesn’t want to hit him back. This feud is fucking stupid and he’s not a violent person as it is but he knows Elias won’t stop until Even’s face is unrecognisable so he lands a punch to the left of Elias face and uses the few seconds that it disorients him to get as far away as possible.

He doesn’t get very far.

This time when Elias gets him on the ground Even stays down.

He doesn’t get a chance to get back up. Elias lands a kick to his stomach which knocks the wind out of him and it’s all Even can do to curl up in a ball and shield himself from the worst of it.

Elias is hurling insults at him as he kicks and punches but Even blocks him out. He just closes his eyes and waits for it to stop.

He closes his eyes and thinks of Isak.

*

Elias walks away eventually, leaving Even collapsed on the ground.

Even doesn’t try to move for another few minutes just in case he comes back but once he’s sure he’s alone again he slowly rolls onto his knees. His stomach and chest are throbbing, the knuckles on his right hand are scraped raw and bloody, and he’s almost certain there’s a bruise forming on his jaw from where Elias had punched him.

Pushing himself to his feet feels impossible but when he takes stock of himself once he’s standing he realises he probably escaped the worst of it. As far as he can tell, his knuckles and a cut on his face are the only places he’s actually bleeding.

He knows he should go home – going to Isak’s was dangerous before but now it’s basically a death sentence.

The thing is, he’s not sure he’ll make it home if he tries.

After a moment’s deliberation the spinning in his head makes his decision for him and he finally begins making his way down the street towards Isak’s. It takes even longer than normal with the bruising over his ribs making it hurt to breathe and with him constantly stopping because he’s afraid he’s heard someone.

But he makes it to the outskirts of the Valtersens’ house eventually.

Climbing the tree to get over the wall is a near impossible feat and kills his already scraped raw hands but he somehow manages to get onto the wall without injuring himself further. The garden is empty but he’d expected that. Isak and Eskild both always warn him if his usual entry point isn’t an option.

He very nearly gives up when he reaches the trellis – he’s so _tired_ and his bones are aching but the thought of Isak’s warm bed and _Isak_ so close is enough to carry him up to the balcony.

Bracing himself on the wall, he takes a moment to steady his breathing and then he taps on the glass.

* * *

 

As soon as Isak hears the tap he’s clambering off his bed to let Even in.

 _Finally_.

He said he’d be here almost half an hour ago – Isak had already text him once to ask where he was but it had been left unanswered. He shoves back the curtain so he can reach the door handle and hastily unlocks it.

“Where’ve you been?” he asks as he pulls the door open. “I thought you said you were coming at ten?”

He hears Even apologise before he sees him but it doesn’t sound right – It sounds like he’s out of breath. He steps into the light then and Isak feels icy fear seize in his chest.

Even has blood on his face and his hands and a bruise blooming on his jaw. His clothes are rumpled and his hair is falling over his forehead and he looks so _defeated_ when his gaze meets Isak. It isn’t until he notices him swaying on his feet that Isak snaps into action.

“ _What happened?”_ he asks urgently, pushing past his own panic to place careful hands on Even’s forearms and pull him inside.

Even winces when he touches him and Isak wants to snatch his hands back but he thinks Even might keel over if he did. Instead Isak tries to hold him steady while Even leans his forehead heavily against his and closes his eyes.

“Elias,” he explains on an exhale.

Isak feels himself freeze.

This is his fault. This is _his fault_ – Isak’s and his father’s and fucking _Elias_ ’. Someone must’ve seen Even hanging around here one night. Isak doesn’t want to even _contemplate_ the thought that someone might know about the two of them but he doubts Even would’ve made it this far if they did.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, brushing his fingers through Even’s mussed hair and pressing their cheeks together to breathe him in.

“It’s not your fault,” Even mumbles and Isak feels close to tears.

“Come on,” he says instead, swallowing down the lump in his throat and steeling himself. He needs to distract himself. He needs to be pro-active. He needs to make sure Even is okay. “You can’t sit on the bed yet in case we get blood on it, I’ll clean you up in the bathroom.”

It’s a testament to how much pain Even must be in to say he doesn’t protest, just allows Isak to gently tug him towards the en suite by his sleeve.

He helps Even sit down on the closed toilet seat and then sets about searching through the cabinets for something that might help. Painkillers? Yes. Bandages? Looks like it. Burn gauze? Probably not. He sets the bandages aside for later and rushes out to his bedroom to find his bottle of water from earlier before handing it and two painkillers to Even. Even takes them with a quiet, “Takk,” and Isak sweeps his thumb over his cheekbone, offering him a small smile, before getting to work.

He turns on the hot water in the sink, letting it run for a second before putting the plug in the drain to let the sink fill up. He finds a clean washcloth then, rinsing it in the warm water before shutting the tap off.

He turns back to Even and hesitates. “Where are you hurt?”

“Face and torso got the worst of it, I think,” Even mutters, blinking slowly as he takes another sip of the water.

“Can you take your hoodie off yourself or do you want me to help?”

Even takes a second too long to react but then he’s setting the water aside and feebly raising his arms in silent permission. Isak kneels between his legs and fits his hands to Even’s waist. He gathers the fabric of Even’s hoodie and t-shirt between his fingers and carefully draws it up over his torso, flinching at the pained noise Even makes as he pulls it over his head.

He doesn’t look too bad but Isak knows that’s only because the bruises haven’t entirely formed yet. His left side is scraped by his hip, like his shirt had ridden up when he’d hit the ground, and Isak can see a myriad of bruises already beginning to bloom down his side and over his ribs.

Even is watching him warily when Isak meets his gaze again but he can’t muster up a smile to cloak the sickening feeling his stomach.

“Did you hit your head?” he asks as he wets the cloth before gently bringing it to the cuts on Even’s side. If Even has a concussion there’s no way he can stay here – they’ll have to go to the hospital.

“I don’t think so,” Even answers wearily, watching Isak work through hazy eyes.

Isak nods in acceptance – he’s still going to feel for a bump in a minute just in case – and rinses the cloth again. He methodically sets about washing the gravel and dirt out of the cuts on Even’s hip before moving to the smaller one on Even’s cheek. He takes care of Even’s hand last, cradling it carefully in his own as he gently wipes at his bloody knuckles.

“Tell me this wasn’t for nothing and you got a good hit,” Isak says, nodding towards Even’s hand.

Even huffs a tired laugh, “Got his nose, I think.”

“I hope it’s broken,” Isak replies flatly.

Even’s other hand coming up to touch his face makes him pause. He flits his gaze to Even and takes in the earnest expression on his face.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he promises, thumb skimming over the arch of Isak’s eyebrow.

Isak feels tears burn behind his eyes – Even shouldn’t be the one comforting him right now, not when he was just _attacked_ by someone who works for Isak’s father.

Isak pushes up on his knees, leaning their foreheads against one another again and releasing a shaky breath. “You got lucky,” he whispers. “Just let me take care of you.”

Even’s eyes bore into his, intense and searching, before he finally murmurs, “Okay.”

Isak sits back on his haunches and finishes up cleaning Even’s hand. He moves to place a careful hand over Even’s ribs then. He figures they’d probably know if Even had fractured a rib but he still wants to make sure.

Even winces at the touch but otherwise doesn’t complain.

“Breathe in for me,” Isak requests and Even obeys.

“I think they’re just bruised,” Even offers when he lets out the breath.

Isak nods in agreement, dropping his hand and reaching for the bandages he’d set aside earlier. He wraps Even’s knuckles carefully before selecting a padded bandage to cover his scraped up hip.

When he’s finished he looks back to Even’s face and the look they share makes his heart thump so hard he gets an ache in his chest.

Even slots the fingers of his undamaged hand between the gaps in Isak’s and tugs ever so gently. “Kiss me,” he whispers.

Isak’s breath hitches and he lifts himself up on his knees at the same time Even leans down. They meet in the middle, lips crushing together in desperate relief and it takes everything in Isak to remember to be gentle, to not cling so hard.

Even isn’t much better, his earlier sluggishness gone as he pulls Isak in and angles his head in an attempt to deepen the kiss.

Isak turns his head away at the last second with a panting breath, resting his temple against Even’s and pressing a kiss just below the cut on his cheek. “Bed,” he exhales.

He stands, catching hold of Even’s hand to help him up. He’s still not as steady on his feet but he doesn’t seem half as listless as he had half an hour ago.

When they return to the bedroom Even sits down on the bed with a certain precariousness, eyes trained on Isak as he pushes himself back on his hands to lie down with his head cushioned by the pillows.

Isak hesitates at the foot of the bed for a moment, gaze completely stuck on the picture Even paints in his bed. Shirt off, hair dishevelled, eyes hooded. He’s too much. With a harsh breath Isak drags his t-shirt over his head and climbs onto the bed.

He can see Even’s surprise as he settles over him – he’s careful, stays pushed up on his elbows and doesn’t let any of his weight bear down on Even, but the scant centimetre of space between their bodies is almost more overwhelming than if they were touching. The anticipation, the trace of body heat trapped between them, the faint buzz like electricity in contact. It’s dizzying.

Isak presses his forehead down against Even’s and looks into his pupil-blown eyes, shuddering when Even’s hands make contact with his waist.

“Kiss me,” he breathes, echoing Even’s words from the bathroom.

Even surges up, head tilting back to connect their mouths.

It’s earth-shattering.

Isak falls down onto his forearms, stomach brushing Even’s and setting his nerves alight. Even’s uninjured hand twists itself into Isak’s hair and presses him closer, noses brushing together while his tongue licks into Isak’s mouth.

Isak bites down on his lip, his own fingers clutching desperately at Even’s jaw. His legs are straddled over Even’s hips and he can’t help but press down just a little, just enough to make both their breaths stutter and their kiss fall slack for the briefest second.

Isak feels like he’s going to shake out of his skin. The thought keeps hitting him over and over that he could’ve lost Even tonight. If Elias hadn’t stopped, if Even hadn’t managed to shield his head from hitting the ground, if Elias hadn’t been alone…

It makes him kiss a little more desperately, makes his touch all the more reverent as he mouths his way across Even’s jaw and over his collarbones. He presses lingering kisses down the centre of  Even’s chest, taking care to be extra gentle where he can see bruises forming and lets his feather light touch roam across the planes of Even’s body.

“Isak,” Even utters on an exhale, fingers tightening in his hair. And Isak can’t ignore the way their pants are straining anymore, can’t ignore the pressure he feels building at the base of his spine.

With shaky fingers, he fumbles to open the button on Even’s jeans, pausing to look up for Even’s reaction. The heated gaze he receives is all the permission he needs.

Jeans and sweatpants are discarded first, falling on the floor at the foot of the bed. Underwear goes next, agonisingly slowly down over Even’s hips to reveal pale skin before he moves onto his own. Until there’s nothing.

Nothing to separate them, nothing stopping them from melding their bones together and burying beneath one another’s skin.

There’s a moment when Isak resituates himself over Even’s hips where Even sits up, curling his arms around Isak’s back to hold him in place. Their foreheads and noses nudge at one another gently and Isak thinks they both need that moment. That moment for their fingertips to trace one another’s skin while they breathe each other in.

Not even kissing.

Just _feeling_.

_Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged._

If this is a sin then Isak is willing to burn for it.

What happens after that is a tangle of limbs, of soft touches and softer kisses juxtaposed with fingers digging in deep and kisses that leave teeth marks. Foreheads rolling together, noses skimming cheekbones and harsh breaths mingling between their mouths.

Fumbling hands searching in drawers, the snap of a bottle cap and the crinkle of foil. It’s heat and tightness in the pit of his stomach and Even moving inside him so intensely he’s convinced he’s eyes are going to roll back inside his head. It’s a release that knocks the breath out of him completely.

It’s the most overwhelming feeling Isak has ever experienced.

 _Sin from my lips? Oh, trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again_.

Later, when it’s over, when they’ve cleaned up and tucked themselves under the covers, they’re lying on their sides. Hands creeping across the sheet every so often to reach out and touch; fingers carding through each other’s hair, running over cheeks and jaws and noses and eliciting crinkly-eyed smiles.

“I think my fingers are addicted to the feel of your skin,” Even mumbles. “It’s the only thing they want to touch anymore.”

Isak hides his smile in the pillow beneath his head and taps his own fingers over the ball of Even’s shoulder. “I think my hands remember you.”

“From the parallel universe?” Even asks quietly, smile so bright it’s blinding.

“Yeah,” Isak whispers, watching as Even reaches up to catch his hand, flattening their palms and interlocking their fingers. He draws them close to kiss the back of Isak’s hand before letting them drop onto the bed between them.

“Are you still in pain?” Isak asks after a moment, eyes trailing the cut on Even’s cheek.

With a serene smile, he replies, “I don’t feel a thing.”

The _not with you here_ is left unsaid but Isak hears it anyway.

With one last soft brush of lips, Isak closes his eyes, ready to sleep.

He has one last thought before he does.

He’s in love.

* * *

 

As soon as he wakes up in the morning Even realises sneaking out over the wall is going to be impossible. Not least of all because they slept through Isak’s alarm, not waking until after ten when the whole house is alive with people.

His muscles are aching and his left side is killing him and there’s no way he’ll be able to get over the wall quickly enough without being caught.

When he turns his head to the side to find Isak already watching him he knows he’s thinking the same thing.

“How do you feel now?” Isak asks quietly.

“Okay, so it hurts a little more now,” Even tries to joke but he trails away at the pained look on Isak’s face. “Hey,” he says, rolling onto his uninjured side and fitting his hand to Isak’s cheek. “I’m _okay_ , I’m just a little sore.”

Isak sighs and bumps their lips together in a comforting little kiss. “You can’t leave over the wall,” he whispers.

No, he can’t.

“We might need to call in reinforcements,” Even says gently, watching the panic that Isak desperately tries to quell at the thought of telling people flit over his face.

“I can tell Jonas,” Isak murmurs after a beat of silence. “He can drive you home.”

Even feels himself still at that. He knows they don’t have much of a choice right now given the circumstances but he’s still surprised Isak is willing to tell his best friend for him. “Have him drop me to Magnus’s,” Even says. “We don’t want anyone seeing his car too close to The Empire.”

Isak nods and closes his eyes, turning his face into the hand Even still has on his cheek. “This shouldn’t feel so fucking scary,” he says shakily.

“You’re allowed to feel scared,” Even soothes, shifting closer and running his thumb under Isak’s eyes. “But Jonas already knows almost everything. He’s not going to stop loving you just because he finds out the final piece of the puzzle.”

Isak nods again, curling himself closer to Even. “Wish we could just stay here forever,” he mutters, hands pressing themselves to Even’s skin.

“One day we’ll get to,” Even promises.

Isak blinks his eyes open and they stare at each other for an immeasurable moment.

It feels like a spell being broken when Isak rolls away to reach for his phone. He calls Eskild first, asking him to come to his room and bring Eva and Noora with him. Even is surprised he’s involving more people in this but he guesses sneaking him out of here isn’t going to be an easy feat.

He rings Jonas next and the call is brief. A simple, “Hey, I really need your help with something. Can you come up to my room?” before Isak is whispering a thank you and hanging up.

Isak climbs out of bed while they wait for the others to arrive, pulling a hoodie over his head and returning to Even’s side of the mattress a moment later with one of his own long sleeved tops. He helps Even into it and Even can’t explain the sense of comfort that washes over him to be wrapped up in Isak’s clothes.

Isak’s hand lingers on his jaw, barely touching, but Even still knows what he’s focusing on. The punch Elias had landed last night had probably transformed into a deep, angry purple colour while he was sleeping. It’s throbbing but he doesn’t want to let Isak know that.

A knock on the door breaks their reverie and Isak drops his hand, rounding the bed to answer.

Eskild steps into the room first, followed closely by two pretty girls in the same uniforms all of Valtersen’s house staff wear. He vaguely recognises them and he thinks they might be friends with Vilde.

 _They_ definitely recognise _him_.

They both freeze in their tracks when their eyes zero in on him sitting up in bed, heads snapping to Isak when he clicks the door shut again.

“Um so this is Even,” Isak introduces somewhat unnecessarily.

“I know who he is,” the brunette says. “The question is what is he doing in your _bed_ , Isak?”

The blonde girl elbows her in the side with a hissed, “ _Eva_ ,” and smiles at Isak. “I’m guessing this is what you need our help with?”

Isak nods, moving back towards the bed and closer to Even. He thinks Isak might be just as comforted by the proximity as he is. “We need to sneak him out,” Isak explains. “And he can’t climb over the wall like he normally does.”

“Why not? Eva asks and it’s then that the girls finally seem to look past who he is and take in the state of his face.

“What happened?” Noora asks, turning to Isak with a frown.

Isak’s expression hardens and Even doesn’t like it. Isak is soft, Isak should always be soft.

“Elias attacked him last night when he was on his way over here.”

For the first time since they came in the room, Even turns to pay attention to Eskild. The other man walks closer to the bed with a concerned expression, eyes roaming over Even’s face to inspect his injuries.

“None of the riot guys are here,” Eskild says eventually, glancing away from Even to look at Isak. “But your father is. He’s in his office but still. This isn’t going to be easy.”

“That’s why I asked for backup,” Isak explains, nodding to Noora and Eva. “Jonas is on his way too; he can drive Even home.”

Eskild startles at that. “Did you tell him?”

Isak chews the inside of his lip and Even offers him a small, supportive smile when he looks at him. “No, but he’s about to find out.”

As if on cue, there’s another knock on the door and Even can see the way Isak’s entire body stiffens at the sound.

Eskild must notice too because he’s suddenly ushering the girls towards the door. “We’ll figure out an escape route, talk to Jonas.”

Isak nods, staring too hard as Eskild and the girls disappear through the door only to be replaced by Jonas.

Jonas doesn’t seem to spot him at first, too concerned with making sure Isak is okay. “What’s wrong?” he asks as he shuts the door behind him and hurries towards Isak. “What did you-“

He trails off when he finally realises they aren’t alone, eyes landing on Even and widening in recognition a moment later. “Isak…” he says slowly.

“I lied,” Isak says in a rush. “Adrian doesn’t exist. I didn’t tell you it was Even because I was afraid that you’d-“

“Tell on you?” Jonas doesn’t sound angry; he sounds more hurt from what Even can tell.

He doesn’t want to get involved but he can also see Isak panicking and he just- he needs to hold him or comfort him or _something_. So he carefully eases himself out of bed and comes to stand behind Isak’s shoulder. His legs feel wobbly and his side feels too tender but it’s worth it for the way Isak’s posture relaxes the tiniest bit.

“It’s not _that_ ,” Isak says desperately. “I trust you. You know I trust you. But the thought of telling anyone was too risky. The only reason Eskild found out was because he accidentally walked in on us.”

Jonas is silent as he considers Isak’s words, eyes lingering on Even for a long moment that he tries not to feel intimidated by.

“Okay,” Jonas sighs finally, focusing back on Isak – Even can see the way Isak’s shoulders drop with relief. “Okay, I believe you. I’m sorry.”

Isak’s, “It’s okay,” is hardly above a whisper and Even is expecting they’re going to have a very long conversation when he’s not there.

“Can you drive him to Magnus’s?” Isak asks, throwing a fleeting look at Even over his shoulder. Even tries to put as much reassurance into his expression as he possibly can in the split-second before he looks away again.

Jonas nods, finally seeming to notice the state of Even’s face. “Did something happen?”

There’s a quiet urgency in the way he says it, an underlying concern that speaks of how deeply he cares about Isak.

“Elias jumped him last night before he got here.”

Jonas swears under his breath and looks at Even. “Does Mags know we’re on the way?”

Even shakes his head. “No, but I’ll text him. We need to figure out how to get me out of the house first.”

“He can’t climb over the wall like normal,” Isak adds and Jonas nods contemplatively.

“If you can get him down to the garage we can get him in the car before we even get outside,” Jonas suggests and Isak starts nodding, following his train of thought.

“We’ll get down there,” Isak promises. “Can you wait in the car? We need to be ready to go as soon as possible.”

Jonas nods in acquiescence, looking ready to leave before he suddenly stops himself. He turns to Even again and Even is waiting for a threat or a warning of some kind. Instead Jonas sticks out his hand and offers him a half-smile. “I’m Isak’s best friend,” he says when Even takes his hand uncertainly. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Even shakes his hand, feeling a genuine smile appear on his face. “Isak’s boyfriend,” he greets, not missing the smirk Jonas throws in Isak’s direction. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Okay, you can get acquainted in the car!” Isak cuts in with a huff, cheeks flushed and ducking his head to hide an embarrassed smile. “Can we get ready please?”

“Meet you there in ten,” Jonas laughs before striding out of the room.

Isak blows out a breath as soon as they’re alone again, leaning back against Even’s chest. “That went better than I expected.”

Even smiles, sliding an arm around his waist and kissing his cheek. “’m proud of you,” he mumbles into the sleep-warm skin of Isak’s neck.

They have a few minutes to themselves so Isak can help Even get dressed. He feels like he could sleep for a week and his jaw and side are in agony by the time they’re finished but he still puts on a smile for Isak so he won’t worry. Isak calls Eskild back into the room when they’re ready – Even is dressed entirely in Isak’s clothes, all grey and non-descript save for the maroon snapback over his head to hide his hair and shield most of his face.

“Noora’s keeping lookout upstairs,” Eskild tells them. “Eva’s watching out downstairs. We should be able to get you down the back staircase without anyone seeing; it leads directly to the garage. But we need to be quiet and we need to be quick.”

“Got it,” Even says and Isak squeezes his hand.

Walking through Isak’s house is nerve-wracking. The halls are eerily silent and Even’s breathing sounds too loud in his ears as he’s led between Isak and Eskild to a staircase hidden from view around the corner from Isak’s room. The stairs are carpeted which at least muffles their footsteps but Even still can’t stop his pulse from thundering at the thought of getting caught. He almost can’t believe it when they make it into the garage without any interruptions.

Jonas already has the car started by the time they reach it and Isak stops him just before he climbs in, throwing a hurried glance around the deserted garage before stepping forward and pressing his lips to Even’s.

“Text me when you get to Magnus’s, okay?”

Even blinks in surprise when he pulls back but nods, ducking in to kiss Isak’s cheek once more. “Promise,” he whispers before climbing into the backseat of the car.

*

The car ride to Magnus’ house is mostly quiet.

Jonas asks him questions here and there but otherwise leaves Even to rest his eyes. Even suspects Jonas is saving the majority of his questions for Isak. He texts Magnus as soon as they’re off Valtersen property and lets him know they’re on the way.

“Does Magnus know?” Jonas asks at one point.

“No,” Even answers honestly. “Isak wasn’t ready. And I knew he wanted to tell you before Magnus or Mahdi found out.”

Jonas quietly ruminates on that for a few minutes and when he meets Even’s gaze in the rear-view mirror Even thinks he might be smiling. “You really love him, don’t you?”

The words give him a pause because Even hasn’t actually said them to Isak yet. Even though he’s thought them almost every single night since they met. He trusts Jonas not to blow his secret though.

“Yeah, I do.”

* * *

 

The following night Isak is lying in Even’s bed, fingers trailing over Even’s back where he’s lying on Isak’s chest, when he says, “I think we should tell Magnus.”

Even raises his head from where it’d been pillowed over Isak’s heart to look at him. “Really?”

Isak nods silently. It had almost broken his heart yesterday when he’d spoken to Even and found out he’d _still_ respected Isak’s wishes and not revealed the truth to Magnus even after showing up half beaten on his doorstep. Even has been so, so patient with him and Isak wants to be brave. He’s tired of hiding and lying to everyone. It’s _exhausting_.

(There’s also a part of him that feels terribly guilty because now he has _two_ people to confide in about this whereas Even is still hiding.)

“We don’t have to,” Even says, so earnest and so sincere and just strengthening Isak’s resolve even more.

“He’s your best friend,” Isak tells him quietly. “And he’s my friend too. I think it’s time he found out.”

“Are you sure?” Even asks but Isak can see the hope blooming in his expression.

Isak nods again. “Tell him.”

* * *

 

Telling Magnus, unsurprisingly, goes something like this:

“Wait, Isak is _gay?”_

“Wait, _Isak_ is the one you’re banging?”

“Wait. Are you two like, in a relationship? Fy faen that some forbidden romance bullshit.”

Even has never been more thankful for his best friend in his entire life.

* * *

 

The first two weeks of August pass by in much the same fashion.

Isak sees Emma during the day on dates set up by his father. He allows her to link his arm or hold his hand and does everything he possibly can to avoid a kiss. He’ll kiss her cheek at the end of the day to appease her but he can see the mounting frustration and suspicion in her expression every time.

At night he spends his time wrapped up in Even.

It’s long talks hidden beneath the covers and kissing every part of one another’s bodies that they can reach. It’s Even leaving drawings on his pillow the mornings he has to leave before Isak wakes up. It’s texts at all hours of the day and night whenever they’re apart. It’s Even’s infectious enthusiasm as he cooks him breakfast and serenades him with embarrassing pop songs on the radio. It’s Even dragging him into dark corners of the hotel to kiss him senseless before they even make it to his suite and then making him melt into the mattress when they finally do.

It’s a Tuesday when Isak starts to think everything’s not entirely alright.

It’s a Thursday when everything goes to hell.

* * *

 

On the last day of July Even doesn’t sleep.

He lies awake in bed and listens to Isak’s quiet breathing beside him. It’s a peaceful sound but not peaceful enough to lull him to sleep. He starts to panic slightly when he sees the sun rising outside and he still hasn’t drifted off once. But when Isak’s eyes flutter open and he offers him a soft smile he brushes it off.

When he doesn’t sleep more than a handful of hours the following two nights he realises it’s probably not a once off.

The rational part of him tells him to tell Isak _now_. Let him know what he’s getting in for, let him knows what’s happening. But the part of his mind that hates him, the part that always delights in twisting words and thoughts until they’re almost unrecognisable, reminds him of Isak’s mother and the look on his face when he’d talked about her.

_He doesn’t need a fucked up boyfriend when he’s already got a fucked up mother._

_You think he’ll still be in love with you when he knows the truth?_

_He won’t, you’re just some fantasy that he has right now._

_When he knows what’s wrong with you, he’ll stay away._

_It’s what you deserve._

He can feel himself trying to overcompensate, to prove to Isak how good he can be for him.

Magnus asks him if he’s okay almost every time he sees him which Even continually brushes off and by the second week he stops answering his calls altogether. The non-destructive part of him knows that this is bad. The non-destructive part of him knows he needs to call his doctor and talk to Magnus and run himself through all the ways he’s learned to calm himself down during a hypomanic period.

But there’s a louder part of his brain that’s yelling Isak’s name and clawing all of his insecurities out of the depths of his mind, so loud it drowns out the rational thoughts. Too loud and too fast until he’s too far gone to remember why he needs to help himself in the first place.

On a Tuesday he notices the unsure looks Isak is giving him when he talks.

_Too fast, too fast, too fast, get all the words out-_

And Even becomes even more determined to prove himself to him.

On a Thursday, the thought comes to him.

The riot boys.

Even told Isak he’s going to fight for their love.

And now he’s going to prove it.

* * *

 

At 23:23 on a Thursday night in August Isak gets a frantic phonecall from Magnus.

He hears “Even” and “riot boys” and “unconscious” and he stops breathing.

Eskild, who is with him at the time, manages to catch his phone when it slips out of his fingers and puts it to his own ear. Isak is absently aware of him talking to Magnus, of him uttering out an address, of him telling Magnus they’ll be there soon, but Isak hears it all as if he’s under water.

He’s almost positive this is what a panic attack feels like.

“ _Isak_.”

His eyes snap to Eskild and judging by the look on his face it’s not the first time he’s said his name. Eskild is gripping his shoulders tightly, a beseeching expression on his face as he orders, “ _Breathe_.”

Isak chokes on the air he’d been holding in his lungs for too long, eyes springing with tears and vision blurring as he splutters.

“We have to go,” Eskild says calmly, more calmly than Isak expects. “Get your shoes, we have to go.”

Isak stuffs his feet into his shoes and pulls on a jacket on autopilot, only faintly aware of Eskild calling Jonas to get the car.

When they’re hurtling down the road a while later, definitely over the speed limit, Isak realises he doesn’t remember getting in the car.

“He’s okay, Isak,” Eskild says firmly, hand clutching his arm hard enough to hurt. “He’s okay.”

“Where is he?” Isak asks, mind fuzzy as he feels the panic build in his chest again, so heavy he threatens to suffocate with it. “Where are we going?”

Jonas presses down on the accelerator and Eskild squeezes his arm again.

“We’re going to my apartment.”

*

The door to Eskild’s apartment is unlocked when they get there so Isak assumes Eskild had told Magnus where the spare key was. Eskild hardly ever stays in his flat anymore; he has his own room at Isak’s house and he tends to stay there the majority of nights. Honestly, Isak hadn’t even been sure Eskild still had his apartment until they were in the car.

But once they’re through the door Isak forgets about everything else.

Magnus appears in the hallway when he hears the front door open but Isak doesn’t waste time greeting him. He rushes past him into the spare bedroom and finds Even sprawled out on the bed. He spares a glance for Mahdi who’s hovering near the bed beside the person Isak assumes is a doctor who’s treating Even. He falters a step before he’s dropping to his knees on the floor beside the bed.

Even’s eyes flicker to him when he does but he looks out of it, like he’s not registering he’s really there.

“Hi baby,” Isak whispers tremulously, the words torn up by tears, as he carefully settles a hand in Even’s hair.

He has a gash on the side of his head that already seems to have been stitched up and his lip is split and Isak can see the beginnings of a bruise forming under his right eye.

Isak barely gets a chance to touch him before he’s being hauled away up to his feet again. He shoves Magnus away when he realises it’s him but Magnus doesn’t let go, dragging him over towards the bedroom door.

“Magnus, let me _see him_ ,” he demands, trying to swallow down the sob building in his throat and finally managing to shrug the other boy’s hands off.

“Listen- Isak, _listen_.”

Isak stops trying to move when Magnus’ hands plant firmly on his shoulders.

“He’s _fine_ ,” Magnus promises. “He’s pretty banged up and we think he’s got a concussion but the doctor’s treating him, alright? You can see him in a second but I need to tell you something.”

Isak finally gives up on trying to see Even over Magnus’ shoulder and meets his gaze.

Magnus hesitates, glancing off to the side before looking back at him. “I was hoping he’d tell you himself but given the circumstances I don’t think he’ll mind if I’m the one to break it to you.”

A deep breath and then.

“Even is bipolar.”

Isak pauses for the length of a heartbeat but the words still don’t register. “Okay,” he replies slowly. “What does- what does that have to do with tonight?”

Isak has a tacit understanding of what bipolar means but he can’t say he knows anything beyond a general definition. He knows Magnus’s mom is bipolar.

“It means sometimes Even is really high and sometimes he’s really low,” Magnus explains patiently. “I’ve been keeping an eye on him and I’m pretty sure he’s been spiralling into a manic episode for about a week and a half.”

Isak feels his blood run cold. Flashes of Even’s behaviour from the past fortnight all slotting into place. The elevated moods, the rambling tangents, the way he suddenly didn’t seem all that concerned about whether or not they got caught.

He should’ve _seen_ it. The other day, he knew something was wrong. He should’ve- he should’ve _done something_ , called someone-

“It peaked tonight when he went to fight the riot boys on his own,” Magnus says. “Even’s reckless but he’s not stupid. He never would’ve picked a fight with them if he was thinking clearly and definitely not on his own.”

Isak can’t _think_. The words aren’t sinking in; this is too much to take all at once. And he _still_ hasn’t gotten a chance to check for himself that Even is okay.

“When he stopped answering my calls I started checking the GPS on his phone,” Magnus continues, breaking him out of his reverie. “When he was with you I let him be because I figured you’d call me if something happened. But when he wasn’t picking up tonight and I saw he was near the Plaza I knew it couldn’t have been good.”

Even went looking for them. He purposely went looking for them. Isak feels sick at the thought of him confused and alone and surrounded by his dad’s thugs. He never stood a chance.

“I was with Mahdi so we raced over there. We found him collapsed on the ground one street over. I’m not sure how long he’d been lying there but he was unconscious when we arrived. He’s been in and out since then,” Magnus tells him. “Doctor says it’s most likely a concussion but he’s gonna be a little disoriented anyway since he’s coming down from his mania.”

“But he’s okay?” Isak asks – the first words he’s said in what feels like forever.

Magnus falters but nods. “Yeah but Isak- the reason I’m telling you all this. When Even wakes up he’s not going to be- Manic periods are usually followed by periods of depression.”

“Okay,” Isak says. He doesn’t care what version of Even he gets. He just wants _Even_. He wants to hold him and take care of him until he’s able to take care of himself.

“Isak,” Magnus says seriously. “What’s coming next, it’s not easy. There’s nothing you can really do to make this better and he’ll probably try to push you away. It’s gonna be fucking hard and you didn’t sign up for this, okay? If you walk away now, no one’s gonna blame you.”

Isak knows Magnus doesn’t mean the words to be accusatory but he still feels them like a slap in the face.

“Magnus,” he says flatly, desperate to keep the worry out of his voice. “ _I’m not leaving him.”_

Magnus looks at him for a moment before nodding and letting his hands fall away. Isak needs no further prompting before he’s rushing to Even’s side again. His pupils are blown and his eyelids twitch every time he closes his eyes but he lets out an unmistakable sigh when Isak gently touches his hair once again.

“You’re okay,” Isak whispers. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“He hasn’t vomited which is a good sign,” the doctor says, startling Isak from where he’d been focused on Even’s face. “He’ll likely sleep through the majority of his come down but you’ll need to wake him up every two hours for the next few hours to make sure he’s still responsive. The rest of his injuries are superficial; nothing’s broken. He’s lucky.”

Isak nods and mutters a thank you, idly aware of Magnus and Mahdi offering the doctor their own gratitude and talking to him as they make their way to the door. He knows Jonas is still in the room but he thinks Eskild might be in the kitchen. He’s not worried about them though, all he can look at is Even.

Even, whose breathing is laboured and who seems confused as to what’s happening but who still touches a bruised hand to Isak’s chest in some vague attempt at comfort.

It’s enough to finally make the dam burst and for Isak to start crying. Tears fall hot and fast down his face and he doesn’t realise how badly he’s shaking until Jonas is suddenly wrapping his arms around him from behind.

“Come on, Is,” he says gently. “Let’s go into the living room until you calm down, alright? Magnus can look after Even for an hour. You don’t want to work him up.”

He doesn’t remember Jonas pulling him out to the living room but he stays out there until his tears have dried on his cheeks and the mug of tea Eskild had pressed into his hands has gone cold.

He wanders back into the bedroom at some point during the middle of the night when Eskild has gone to bed and Jonas has fallen asleep on the couch beside him. Mahdi is curled up asleep in a chair in the bedroom and Isak is glad he told him about himself and Even after they told Jonas and Magnus. He doesn’t even want to think what would’ve happened if Magnus had found Even on his own tonight. He doubts they would’ve even made it to the apartment.

Magnus is sitting on the floor next to the bed, head resting on the mattress, but he lifts himself up when Isak comes into the room. “It’s been about six hours,” he whispers. “And he’s woken up every time I’ve tried to rouse him so I figure we can let him sleep now.”

Isak nods, eyeing the empty space in the bed beside Even.

“Go ahead,” Magnus whispers with a small smile, pulling himself to his feet. “I’m gonna crash in the living room.”

Isak nods but catches Magnus’ arm as he passes him. Magnus obediently stops walking and waits for Isak to speak. “ _Thank you_ ,” he whispers. “For finding him. For everything.”

Magnus’ smile is genuine now as he gently nudges Isak’s shoulder. “I get it. I love him too.”

Isak considers correcting him before he realises there’s no point.

He loves Even. He loves Even so much his heart feels too big for his chest. He loves Even so much the fear he’d felt tonight at the thought of losing him had been scarier than anything else he’d ever experienced. He loves Even enough to know that him being bipolar doesn’t change anything. Even if he doesn’t entirely understand it all now. He’s still Even and he loves Even to the ends of this universe and into the next one.

He’s in love with Even and he can’t bear to be apart from him any longer.

After Magnus shakes Mahdi awake and they pad out of the room, closing the door gently behind them, Isak carefully climbs into the left side of the bed.

He lies on his side, eyes trained on Even’s face. The marks on his face are impossible to make out in the dark and Isak is glad for it. Because he looks peaceful, not hurt or in pain. He allows himself a brief moment of running his fingers over the undamaged side of Even’s face, tracing from his hairline to his chin with an unbearably soft touch before finally closing his own eyes.

He takes one last shuddering breath and then, he sleeps.

*

Isak wakes in the morning before Even does.

He alternates between watching Even sleep and googling bipolar disorder on his phone. Magnus had given him the basics last night but he wants to understand. Eventually he sets his phone aside – it’s too hard to digest everything after only a few hours’ sleep and the emotional upheaval of last night.

He rolls onto his side instead and watches the steady rise and fall of Even’s chest. The injuries on his face look worse in the morning light and Isak wishes he could kiss it better, wishes he could take all of Even’s pain and bundle it away so he’d never have to feel it again.

Isak’s not sure how much time has passed when Even’s eyes slowly blink open.

Instantly, he can see what Magnus had warned him about last night. Even looks hollow, expression empty as his eyes land on Isak. He looks so helpless, like he’s drowning inside his head and Isak is desperate to find a way to keep him afloat.

He decides not to say anything; this moment feels too precarious for words.

Instead, he traces his thumb over Even’s cheek, a sweeping, soothing motion that makes Even’s eyes slip shut again.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, though he knows Even isn’t asleep. But Even doesn’t seem built for words right now and Isak doesn’t think there’s anything he could possibly say to make this better so he settles for actions. An action soft enough to soothe Even’s bruised face and heart.

Eventually Magnus comes into the room with the others following closely behind him.

“We should get Even home,” he says quietly, like he doesn’t want to disturb the tranquillity of the room.

“We need to get you home too, Isak,” Eskild adds gently and _that_ makes Isak look up with a frown.

“I’m not leaving him,” he says with a frown.

“Isak, this is too dangerous,” Eskild pleads. “The risk of you being seen if you go to The Empire with them is way too high and we don’t even know if anyone saw us leaving last night.”

“I’ll take you to see him later,” Jonas says. “I promise. But Eskild is right. We need to make sure your secret is still safe.”

Isak’s gaze drifts back to Even; his eyes are open now and watching Isak. Isak doesn’t want to leave him. He can’t stand the thought of leaving him. But he knows Jonas and Eskild are right.

“Okay,” he whispers, brushing his thumb over Even’s cheek one last time before shifting forward and pressing a lingering kiss to his forehead. “I’ll come see you later, I promise.” He breathes the words into Even’s skin and hopes he believes them.

Even grips his t-shirt tightly in silent acknowledgment as he pulls away and it’s enough to make Isak want to crawl back into bed, wrap himself around Even, and never let him go.

Instead he touches Even’s hand one last time and climbs out of the bed, accepting his jacket from Jonas when he reaches the door.

No one says anything when he spends the entire car ride home with tears rolling down his cheeks.

*

Isak’s father is waiting for him in his bedroom when he gets home.

He stops in his tracks when he comes through the door, narrowing his eyes at the way his father is inspecting the walls. He never comes into Isak’s room. He rarely leaves his office when he’s at home and Isak is always summoned if he’s needed.

His father never comes _looking_ for him.

“Isak,” he says with the kind of genial smile Isak doesn’t trust.

“Halla Pappa,” Isak replies uncertainly, shuffling from one foot to the other.

“Were you out last night?” his father asks innocuously, running a finger over the surface of Isak’s dresser and lifting it to his face as if inspecting it for dust.

Something about his movements right now, his voice, his all-round _presence,_ is unnerving. And more so than usual – something’s going on.

“I was hanging out with Mahdi and it got late so I just crashed there,” he replies, the words feeling stuck on his tongue.

His father hums, circling around the room before he comes to stand in front of Isak, expression entirely calm and hands behind his back. “William said you and Eskild left in an awful hurry.”

Isak freezes. He didn’t know William was here last night, he’d assumed he’d been with the others at the hotel. With _Even_.

“Uh yeah,” Isak answers a beat too late, forcing out a stilted laugh. “I totally forgot Mahdi and I had made plans and he started calling me, asking where I was, so we had to rush to make it to his place on time.”

Isak doesn’t even know what he’s saying right now, he’s just letting the words tumble out of him because his mind is repeating one thing over and over again.

They were seen.

His father hums again, holding out a hand. “Can I see your phone, Isak?”

Isak tries to quell is mounting panic as he slips his phone out of his pocket, placing it delicately in his father’s hand. There’s nothing incriminating on there – there _can’t_ be. Even’s name is saved as a simple “E” with a heart after it. As far as anyone else would guess, that contact name belongs to Emma.

His father unlocks his phone easily, skimming through it for a few minutes while Isak holds his breath. Finally, he looks up and his expression is still calm but it’s different. It’s a dangerous kind of calm and Isak is starting to wish he never closed the bedroom door behind him.

“You know I don’t like it when you lie to me, Isak,” his father warns and there’s an edge to his voice now. Isak takes an involuntary step back.

“I’m not lying,” he replies dumbly.

And then the calm explodes.

 _“Do not lie to me!”_ his father bellows, expression twisting into a snarl as he steps forward, getting in Isak’s face and making him stumble another step back. “Elias _caught_ you,” he spits.

And Isak’s body caves in on him.

“Bech Næsheim’s son has been lurking around here for weeks!” he barks. “You’ve been disappearing at night and _then_ after the boys finally give that headcase what he deserved Elias sees _you_ running into Eskild’s apartment not long after seeing your little friends drag _him_ inside. So tell me again, Isak, how you’re not lying.”

Isak’s eyes are burning with tears that are threatening to fall but he’s too afraid to lift his hand to wipe them away. “I- I-“

“How could my own son betray me like this?” he demands with a disgusted curl to his face. “Not only an abomination but getting on your knees for a _Bech Næsheim_.”

Isak flinches as if he’s been slapped, vision whiting out as he tries to keep himself upright.

_No. No this can’t be happening. No, no, no, no. This isn’t **right**_ **.**

_He can’t- please-_

“Pappa, let me explain,” he begs, latching onto his father’s arm and feeling his stomach drop out of him at the way his father recoils.

“You are _not_ to see him again,” his father threatens venomously. “And you will _not_ be leaving this room until I say so.”

His phone disappears into his father’s pocket and Isak’s resolve snaps with a sickening realisation of what’s happening.

“I’m _eighteen_ , you can’t lock me in my room because you decided you don’t want to deal with me!” he fights, hot tears streaming down his cheeks and blurring his vision. But he ignores them and perseveres. “You can’t hide me away from the world just because I don’t fit that perfect fucking family image you so desperately want the world to believe in. You can’t hide me away like you do Mamma-“

The smack is so unexpected it knocks his feet out from under him. Isak hits the floor with a thud and covers his cheek with his hand, releasing a shuddering breath. When he looks up he doesn’t recognise the man standing over him.

“You are a disgrace to this family,” his father declares.

When he walks out of the room he locks the door behind him.

They’re out of time.

*

After Isak eventually picks himself off the floor and inspects his aching cheek in the mirror he searches the room.

His spare key for the door is gone – his father must’ve taken it while he was waiting for him – as are his laptop and everything else he could possibly use as a form of communication. He considers the balcony for a brief moment – Even’s own personal entrance and exit – but even if he managed to get into the garden without being noticed he can’t imagine he’d get very far before his father and his men would catch up to him.

His stomach is roiling but he knows there’s nothing in there to throw up – he hasn’t eaten yet today. He’s trembling all over at the sound of his father’s words reverberating inside his head and he’s doing everything not to internalise them.

_You’re not an abomination. You’re not a disgrace. You’re not a sin._

_What you and Even have is not **wrong**._

But the longer the silence reigns in his room the harder the words are to ignore.

What possibly hurts more right now are his thoughts of Even.

Even, who’s probably already crashed into his depression, who he promised he’d see tonight, who _needs_ him, who’s going to believe Isak has left him if he doesn’t find a way to get a message to him somehow.

He just has to wait for Eskild.

Eskild will come get him in the morning.

*

Eskild doesn’t come in the morning. Neither does Noora or Eva or Jonas.

A maid that normally attends his father brings him his breakfast and is out the door and locking it behind herself once again before Isak can even get out of bed.

The hopelessness of the situation feels so crushing he’s afraid he might suffocate.

* * *

 

Isak doesn’t come the first night. Or the second. Or the third.

He doesn’t answer any of the texts Even sends him before he crashes and after twenty-four hours of no response he stops trying.

Magnus won’t leave his room. He keeps begging Even to listen, trying to make up excuses for Isak, insisting that he can’t come over, that they’re being kept apart on purpose.

But Even knows the truth.

Isak finally saw him. In all his broken, ugly, fucked up glory. And he realised what Even always knew he would.

That he didn’t want this. That Even was too much. That he was nothing like the person Isak thought he was.

It’s probably for the best.

But it _hurts_.

It’s fucking agonising. The truth is an inferno burning up his insides and Even wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a mound of ash in his chest where his heart used to be.

The periods of numbness, at least, offer some reprieve. In these moments it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t touch him. It’s nothing at all. He’s nothing. Everything is nothing.

The ache for Isak in the hollow of his stomach is just an ache.

But mostly, these three days are an exercise in remembering how to breathe.

Because he’s drowning. He’s drowning and he can’t reach the surface. He can’t get the water out of his lungs or his ears or his eyes. He can’t reach the surface. He can’t get his body to work anymore.

He can’t.

He can’t.

 _He can’t_.

He’s suffocating and he can’t stop it.

* * *

 

On the fourth day Isak’s door unlocks at 21:21.

It’s Eskild.

Isak doesn’t hesitate this time like he did with the maid. He’s off his bed in seconds and throwing his arms around Eskild, clinging to him tightly and getting tears on his jacket.

“It’s okay,” Eskild breathes, rubbing a comforting hand over his back. “It’s okay.”

Isak lets out a sob and he’s so tired. He’s so tired of crying. He’s been crying for four days. In anger, in frustration, in pain, in complete and utter despair. He just wants to stop crying.

“How did you get in here?” he asks tremulously, forcing himself to step back so he can look at Eskild properly.

“Your father got called away for a business meeting,” Eskild explains hastily. “And Noora and Eva orchestrated an emergency at the Plaza to get your guard dogs away. I stole the key from your dad’s office.”

“But there are cameras in there, Eskild, he’ll fire you!” Isak says frantically. The thought of losing Eskild is unbearable, not when he already feels so alone as it is. Not when the whole world is already falling apart.

“Isak, I don’t give a fuck!” Eskild exclaims hotly. “He fucking locked you in your room and banned the rest of us from seeing you. I don’t care what he does.”

Isak nods shakily. “Have you seen Even?” he asks, biting the inside of his cheek to stop another sob from bubbling out of him. He needs to know he’s okay. He needs Eskild to tell him he’s okay.

Eskild expression falls and Isak’s chest is constricting.

“What? Eskild, _what?”_

“I tried to,” Eskild tells him carefully. “But he’s- Isak, he’s not doing very good right now. I-“ Eskild cuts himself off, reaching into his pocket and revealing Isak’s phone. “Here. Maybe he’s text you something in the last couple of days.”

Isak’s phone is unsurprisingly dead after sitting in a drawer in his father’s office for the past four days so he rushes to plug it into the wall. He shifts impatiently while he waits for it to turn on, gripping it too tightly between his fingers to stop them from shaking.

“Does Jonas have the car ready?” Isak asks as his phone _finally_ lights up with his lockscreen.

“Ready and waiting,” Eskild promises as Isak unlocks his phone with trembling hands.

His screen floods with text messages and missed calls. Most are from Magnus but he spots a few from Mahdi and the girls too. He ignores them all in favour of finding Even’s name. There are a few messages from the first day Isak had been locked up. Song lyrics, he thinks. But that’s not what catches his attention.

There’s a message from today.

From about half an hour ago.

“Dear Isak,

Right now I’m sitting in the place that’s somehow become more loud than quiet, looking up at the stars and wondering about the other Isak-and-Evens. I wish you were here with me. I wish it was still the first night I took you up here. I’m sorry I never told you I was bipolar, I suppose I wanted to hold onto this universe a little longer. But I know the stars hold the better versions of us, the happier versions. You once told me you liked the idea of parallel universes because it meant that no matter what happened to us in this universe there would always be another version of us somewhere else. I’m sorry this universe decided to have other plans for us.

I love you,

Even.”

For the briefest moment, Isak’s eyes catch on the “I love you” and he smiles. But then the weight of Even’s words truly sink in and his blood freezes in his veins.

He wouldn’t. _He wouldn’t_.

He tries ringing Even’s number but it goes straight to voicemail. “Shit, shit, _Even_ -“ He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath before calling Magnus’ number.

“ _Isak?”_ Magnus asks incredulously. “Fuck! Isak are you okay?! Are you-”

“I’m _fine_ ,” he chokes out. “Where’s Even?”

“He’s- Are you still locked in your room? Can you get here?” Magnus asks urgently and Isak feels his dread mounting.

“Jonas is waiting in the car,” he says, ripping the phone out of the wall again and hurrying to stuff his feet into a pair of shoes. “Where _is he_ , Magnus?”

“He’s- he’s on the roof,” Magnus whispers. “Isak, we can’t get him down. He won’t come down.”

Isak feels the earth drop out from beneath his feet and starts running, Eskild hot on his heels as they race down the stairs to the garage. “ _I’m coming!”_ he swears. “Just don’t let him do anything, _I’m coming_.”

Isak crashes into the backseat of the car as Eskild races around to the passenger side and Jonas takes off as soon as the doors are closed. “Get to The Empire. Jonas, we need to get there _now_.”

He doesn’t realise he’s crying until Eskild is reaching back to squeeze his knee. “We’ll get there in time, Isak.”

Isak hopes he’s right.

He has to be.

*

They get stuck in traffic five blocks away and Isak lasts about thirty seconds in the car before he’s shoving the door open and running. He hears Eskild and Jonas calling after him but he doesn’t turn back. He whips through the traffic, hurtling onto the sidewalk and racing as fast as his legs will carry him to The Empire.

The staff at reception yell after him when he skids straight past them and runs for the stairs. And it isn’t until he’s on the third flight up that he realises security are following him, shouting at him. He’s vaguely aware that if he’s caught he’s dead but he doesn’t _care_. He just needs to get to Even.

He can’t breathe by the time he reaches the roof, the cold air hitting him like a freight train. He pauses for the length of a heartbeat to see Even sitting up on the protective wall that surrounds the roof, back to everyone up here – his parents, Isak absently notices, Magnus, more security. As soon as Isak has his eyes locked on him he moves.

Someone tries to grab him and he attempts to shuck them off at the same time Magnus yells, “Let him through!”

Suddenly the path is clear and all he can see is Even.

He takes thirteen careful steps forward, pausing right behind Even and taking a moment to catch his breath.

He’s desperate to touch him but he doesn’t want to startle him. If he startles him Even will slip and Isak won’t survive.

So, as quietly as he can, he whispers, “Even.”

Even doesn’t visibly react to the words but Isak notices the miniscule twitch of his shoulders.

He swallows hard, lifting his arms slowly, so achingly slowly, until he can fit his hands to Even’s waist. Even doesn’t move an inch and if the wind was a little quieter Isak would probably be able to tell if he’s holding his breath.

“Even,” he whispers again. And with as much gentleness as he possesses, he slides his arms around Even’s waist, curling protectively around his back and pressing his forehead right between Even’s shoulders.

Even’s entire body shudders and folds in on itself and Isak holds him tighter.

“We’re staying together in this universe,” he says with quiet conviction, swallowing down the tears in his throat. “ _I_ decided.”

He punctuates his words with a kiss to Even’s back and Even’s breath tumbles out of him in a hitching gasp.

It feels like hours waiting for Even to uncross his legs and slowly climb down from the wall; Isak hovers behind him the entire time, hands still holding onto his hips. When Even’s feet touch the concrete again Isak could collapse with relief.

He doesn’t get a chance to because Even is turning around and looking into his eyes for the first time in four days and Isak suddenly remembers how to breathe again. They stare at each other for one heart-stopping moment and then he’s pulling Even into his arms, clinging and protecting and healing.

Even is shaking against him but his fingers are digging so hard into Isak’s back they’ll leave bruises. Isak welcomes them.

“I’m _here_ ,” he breathes, ghosting the words over Even’s shoulder and neck. “I’m here, I promise I’m here.”

They both are.

* * *

 

Even can see the question in his parents’ eyes when Isak leads them back through the door into the hotel and he thinks the fact that he was seconds away from plummeting to his death earlier is the only thing that saves him from their interrogation. He feels bad knowing Magnus is going to have to be the one to field their questions but Isak’s hand is in his, warm and soft and real, and it’s the only thing keeping him anchored right now so he can’t let it go.

He hadn’t really been intending on jumping. Or- he doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he had been. He doesn’t want to die but for the past few days he hasn’t really been able to remember why he wants to live.

But there’s hope, traitorous, fledgling hope, blooming in his chest, just beneath his ribs. And he thinks that might be enough to make him hold on until he remembers again.

Isak leads him through the suite until they get to Even’s bedroom and Even has just enough energy to toe out of shoes before he drops down onto the bed.

Isak pauses in taking off his own shoes and runs a hand through Even’s hair, tender and loving. and Even can feel his own heartbeat for the first time in days.

Isak lingers as he lets go of him, like Even’s a magnet pulling him in. He walks away eventually but he doesn’t go very far. He circles the bed and climbs in the other side, quiet and patient while Even reminds his brain that it’s time to lie down.

When Even turns onto his side Isak shifts closer to him, hand pressing to Even’s cheek and fingers tucking hair behind his ear. Even has to close his eyes at the softness of the touch.

“We can have a real talk in the morning,” Isak whispers. “But I need to tell you a few things before we sleep.”

Even opens his eyes and looks into the comforting green of Isak’s.

“I never wanted to be apart from you, _ever_ ,” he says quietly, surely. “My father found out about us and kept me away.”

If Even had more energy right now he’d start panicking but Isak is here so he must be okay.

“You being bipolar doesn’t make me want to be with you any less. I want _you_ , all of you, every single bit of you, even the parts you think I won’t like. I know I don’t know everything, I know that,” he says, voice hardly above a whisper. ”But we’ll figure it out. We’ll take it one step at a time and we’ll figure it out.”

“Okay,” Even whispers, hardly daring to believe this is real.

Isak smiles, the briefest uptick of his mouth and it’s the most beautiful thing Even has ever seen.

“One last thing,” Isak murmurs, transferring his head from his own pillow to Even’s, putting them a breath apart and ever so softly, brushing their noses together.

“I love you.”

Even stills for a pause.

Inhale. Exhale.

A whispered, “I love you too.”

Bring their lips together once in a barely there kiss. A reassurance, a promise.

And for that one pause, Even’s head is finally above water again.

_Love is heavy and light,_

_bright and dark,_

_hot and cold,_

_sick and healthy,_

_asleep and awake_.

* * *

 

_Three weeks later_

Isak is lugging the last of his suitcases up the stairs with Even cheerfully walking behind him and being no help whatsoever. He makes it to the top of the stairs, pausing to take a breath, and only _then_ does Even decide to take the suitcase and bring it into the apartment for him.

“Oh sure! Now that you can actually roll it and you don’t have to carry it, you’re willing to help!” he calls with a huff, rolling his eyes with an exasperated grin when Even winks at him over his shoulder.

It’s been three weeks. And a lot of things have happened. Isak’s mother and father are getting a divorce and his mother is currently staying in a care facility so she can get the help she needs – when Isak told her about Even she’d hugged him tightly and said she loved him and she always would. And for the first time in too long, Isak had cried tears of happiness. Eskild, Jonas, Noora and Eva have all quit their jobs for Isak’s dad. He felt terribly guilty about it but they insisted they were better off. Isak has been staying at The Empire – at first because he wanted to stay with Even through his depression and then after because he couldn’t go home and he didn’t want to be apart from Even anyway.

Even’s parents have accepted their relationship – his mother wholeheartedly after the incident on the roof and his father more reluctantly but it’d only taken him a few days to get over the shock and come around. Even’s episode had put things in perspective for them both.

And finally, today, Isak is moving with Eskild.

(And Linn. It turns out one of those spare rooms has housed a roommate the entire time.)

“I still don’t see why you couldn’t just live with me,” Even complains when Isak comes through the doorway, draping his arms around Isak’s shoulder and pressing butterfly kisses to his neck.

Isak leans into it, fighting a smile. “Because moving in together after being in a relationship for two months is a bit too soon, even for us,” he laughs.

Even huffs against his neck but Isak knows he agrees.

This way they have their own space still for whenever they need it. But they can be together properly now, without fear of being found out.

They can just _be_.

Isak can’t wait.

“Besides,” Isak says, raising his eyebrows and lifting his lips in a smirk. “We still need to christen my new bed.”

Even pauses in his ministrations on Isak’s neck, lifting his head to grin at Isak. “Now that you mention it-“

“There will be no christening of anything while I’m here,” Eskild announces, breezing out of the kitchen and making a face at Isak’s suitcases in the living room. “Really Isak? You’ve been here five minutes and the place is already a mess?”

“I’m gonna clean it up,” he says with a long-suffering sigh, elbowing Even for the laugh he lets out. Traitor.

“We’ll move them right now, Eskild!” Even announces, letting go of Isak to grab one of the suitcases. Isak follows after him with another put-upon sigh, taking the second suitcase and rolling it into his room.

He closes the door behind himself once he gets there, smiling to himself at the way Even stands in the middle of the room and surveys the walls and the furniture like he’s got a whole room plan in his head.

“You gonna help me decorate?” he asks wryly, leaning back against the door and offering Even a playful smile when he looks at him.

“Obviously,” Even scoffs. “I’m basically going to be living here too, I need to like the aesthetic.”

Isak blinks in surprise before letting out a laugh. Even walks over to him and when he’s close enough Isak twists his fingers in his t-shirt to tug him close. Even moves willingly, sliding his hands over Isak’s side and bumping their noses together with a beaming grin.

“Halla,” he murmurs, eyes flitting down to Isak’s lips and back up again.

“Halla,” Isak answers back, pecking Even’s mouth once just because he can.

“Did you think we’d end up here when we were kissing in your pool on your birthday?” Even asks quietly, eyes lighting up when Isak laughs softly.

“Nei,” he admits, lifting his arms and slinging them around Even’s neck, sliding his fingers into the hair at the nape. “But I knew when we were kissing on my balcony not long after.”

Even raises his eyebrows at that. “How?”

“You told me it was worth it and I believed you,” Isak replies softly.

Even’s expression goes blank with surprise but then his mouth is curving up in the most beautiful smile and he tugs Isak in for an achingly sweet kiss that leaves his knees weak. “It is,” he mumbles when their lips part and Isak nods.

This. Love. Them.

It’s worth the whole world.

*

**Author's Note:**

> I sincerely hope you enjoyed it :')))
> 
> If you're looking for me and tumblr you can find me at [ littlespooneven](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/) and the tumblr for this fic post is [here](http://littlespooneven.tumblr.com/post/158365751942/cut-us-out-in-little-stars-pairing-even-bech)
> 
> Thank you for reading, angels <3


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